It Feels Like Sunlight
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Devin
Date Posted: 25th March 2025
Series: Bronze and Blue Entwined
Characters: K'mai
Description: K’mai does research! With . . . romance books?
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 6, day 1 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: I’serin, H’run, L’keri
K’mai _still_ didn’t understand how he was feeling and it was obvious
that trying to talk to someone about it was too much of a risk. All he
could do was distract himself or sit here and simmer in his
uncertainty. Shard it, none of this would have even occurred to him if
his friends hadn’t accused him of being in love with I’serin. H’run
had said it in jealous anger, and K’mai might have been able to ignore
that. But then L’keri had asked if he had feelings for the
bronzerider, and L’keri had been nothing but concerned.
He wished he could talk to L’keri but he didn’t want to encourage the
idea. His best hope was that his friend would forget about it soon.
K’mai made a frustrated noise and paced his weyr just for something to
_do_. His gaze fell on his bookshelf and he stopped. He had a whole
shelf full of romances. The things in them were exaggerated, of
course, but his friends in the book club talked as if the emotions in
them were real. I’serin would be so amused if he knew K’mai was using
books for research " even if they were fiction. The thought gave him
that funny feeling in his chest and he grabbed a book at random to
distract himself from it.
Sitting on the floor, he started flipping pages near the end of the
book. That’s where most of the mushy stuff usually happened. The first
three books he flipped through made him feel a little relieved. There
were descriptions of jealousy, possessiveness, wanting to only be with
one person for the rest of your life. That definitely wasn’t true.
He picked up another and found similar things. He was about to put it
down when a line caught his eye. ‘The way he moved, the way he spoke,
the things he said"her heart thumped in her chest whenever she caught
a look at the man.’ That . . . did sound pretty accurate. But one
small, similar feeling among all these stories about wanting to devote
yourself completely to one person didn’t mean anything.
The next book had a number of comments about feeling that someone was
necessary, of wanting to be necessary in each other’s lives. At first
K’mai dismissed it as more holder morals being written into
dragonrider stories, but . . . He thought about I’serin telling him,
‘you are necessary to me’ and . . . Oh.
Oh no.
Setting that book down, he got up to pace again. He walked past the
living room table and his gaze settled on the book sitting there "
_Awakened_. The one he’d picked out when he took I’serin to the
bookstore. He picked it up and started to flip through it, but decided
he didn’t want to spoil the ending. It was about a bronzerider
grieving the loss of his twin brother and only finding comfort in the
arms of a male greenrider. Unlike most of the other books he had,
K’mai planned to actually read the whole thing, and he was more than
halfway through. Because it was special. Because I’serin had bought it
for him.
}:Your mind is very noisy,:{ Sebeth said. }:Ah, you think of Aluneth’s
rider again.:{
**I do that a lot, don’t I?**
}:Yes. You worry what kind of love you feel. Why does that matter?:{
**Because it’s . . . humans are complicated.**
}:And these stories will help you?:{
**Maybe.** K’mai set the book down next to the others sprawled on the
floor. He pulled _Ways To Burn_ off the shelf, the one he’d teased
I’serin with at the Printer Hall, about a bronzerider and greenrider
who hated each other but had passionate sex. Lots of angst and drama
in that one. K’mai got a little distracted by the sex scenes " they
really were hot " but eventually he reached a line that made him
pause. ‘ . . . as if his heart had a hook and line attached.’
It did feel like that, didn’t it? Like there was a pull toward I’serin.
After the big dramatic fight scene there was: ‘How right and good it
felt to be in the same room and how awful it felt now that he was
gone.’
Shards. It had been terrible after that kiss in the flight room,
thinking I’serin might hate him, might never want to see him again.
K’mai set that book down and looked at _Awakened_ again. It was very
hot but also really sweet and his heart pounded at the thought of what
he might find near the end. But he did want to _know_ didn’t he? And
since he couldn’t talk to anyone about this, books were all he had.
}:I wish I could help, but you will not let me talk to other dragons
about this.:{
**_Never_ tell anyone about this,** he told his lifemate for maybe the
millionth time. **Please, it’s very important to me and Aluneth’s
rider.** He sent love across their bond, assuring Sebeth that he
wasn’t scolding him, just worried.
}:I know. I only talk to Aluneth about you mating his rider. I will
not talk to others.:{
K’mai sent gratitude and more love, then turned back to _Awakened_ and
started skimming. And there, in one of the last chapters, was a line
that stopped him cold. He read it again. And again. ‘Faranth his
smile. It felt like a shaft of sunlight piercing straight through his
chest. It lifted his heart.’
That was it. That was it _exactly_. I’serin’s smile, his touch, the
way he said K’mai’s name, it felt like sunlight inside him.
K’mai sat in a haphazard ring of books, many of them open to lines
that rang true. They were stories, made up, entertainment. But if
fictional romance stories were describing his very real feelings then"
“Shit,” K’mai said. “Shit, shit . . . Feck.”
Last updated on the March 26th 2025
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