Feelings That Can't Be Helped

Writers: Devin, Yvonne
Date Posted: 24th May 2025

Characters: K'mai, H'run
Description: H'run and K'mai speak for the first time since their fight in the flightroom.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 26 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: G'zan, I'serin, N'vanik, B'nell, J'ackt, Ç'pier, Q'vettan
Follows "Switching Partners"

K'mai

H'run

H'run knew the moment that Sebeth and K'mai appeared over Dolphin Cove
Weyr. A braver man than he would have returned to Dragonsfall Weyr for
something better to wear to the Hatching, something that would make
him look so fabulous that K'mai couldn't help but watch him and
despair at what he'd done.

**Who am I kidding.** H'run stared at his wardrobe in despair. The
time away from Dragonsfall Weyr and K'mai's silence had shifted
something in H'run. Hope was gone. K'mai would never love him back,
and he was... sad about that, but it wasn't so raw. It hurt, but it
was just an ache now, not the stabbing, gaping wound that had chased
him from Dragonsfall Weyr. Just another unfortunate chapter in his
unfortunate life.

Time had worked its magic.

Still, H'run dressed carefully for the Hatching in a breezy yellow
tunic embellished with blue beaded flowers at the collar, and a pair
of tight-fitting pants dyed a dark indigo. He added a touch of kohl
around his eyes and slipped a pair of large brass hoops through his
ears that brushed his jaw like a lover.

No plan survives its first contact with the enemy, and H'run first
glimpsed K'mai through the crowd after the dancing had started. Light
glimmered off his pale hair as he whirled in-- N'vanik's arms. The
Weyrleader. H'run's stomach plummeted into his shoes. K'mai looked
radiant. Happy.

**Flame him and his stupid Weyrleaders too.**

H'run grabbed a fresh glass of crisp white wine to fortify himself,
and then refilled it once the music changed to go search of K'mai. He
found the other bluerider near the edge of the dancers and slid
seamlessly into the empty spot at his elbow. "Hello darling."

K'mai started when he saw who it was. "H'run." He tried to smile,
wondered if he should, and ended up with an awkward expression. "H-how
are you? I wanted to check on you but I thought you probably . . .
didn't want to see me." After he'd accidently broken his heart and
not-so-accidently used him after that flight.

"Did you now?" H'run sipped his wine and stared at the dancers. "I'm
fine. Dolphin Cove has been rather delightful, to be honest. Whatever
happened to your poor arm?"

K'mai looked down as if he'd just realized the bandage was there. "Oh,
I got scored last sevenday. And a dragon fell on me. It was . . . not
fun." He didn't like to think about how close he'd come to dying. How
close Sebeth had come to taking them both /between/ forever in his
panic.

H'run sucked in a sharp breath. "A dragon fell-- Faranth, I am very
glad that all you've got is a little bandage! That could have been so
much worse!" What if he'd been grievously injured or _died_ before he
could speak to K'mai again!? H'run's grip on his glass tightened.
**It's not your business,* he told himself sharply. It was I'serin's.
If he wanted it to be, which he wouldn't.

"I know. We were really lucky." Then K'mai brightened. "But I used my
poor, pitiful arm to get a dance with the Dolphin Cove Weyrleader, so
there's a silver lining."

"Aiming at collecting the set?" H'run asked lightly. "I hear Q'vettan
can be quite light on his toes."

"I'd love to dance with more Weyrleaders." Then K'mai's brain caught
up with him. "I mean, one down, hey? Did you _see_ him with that
greenrider earlier? It was like a sharding flight out there."

The sour taste in H'run's mouth intensified and he sipped his wine to
beat it back. Had K'mai always been this obsessed with bronzeriders?
How had he not noticed? "I can't say that I did, darling. Did you come
here with anyone? I have been looking for familiar faces all evening
and haven't spotted many."

"I came here alone." At least K'mai could be honest about that. He
didn't want to mention I'serin, but was there any reason to? It was a
Hatching, of course the Weyrleader was here. "I saw G'zan earlier.
He's kind of hard to miss." The bluerider chuckled.

"Rather like a wherry in a pen of chickens," H'run said agreeably,
although he rather doubted that K'mai had come alone. "I'll say hello
to him when I see him. It will be nice to see someone from the Wing.
Did I miss anything while I've been gone, besides your poor arm?"

A lot of things he couldn't mention. He wished he could tell H'run, to
at least try to explain that he _hadn't_ been lying when he said he
couldn't fall in love. K'mai had believed that at the time, he'd had
his whole life up until then as evidence, all the lovers and friends
that he cared deeply for but never had romantic feelings toward.
Everything with I'serin was new and surprising. So instead he said,
"The Holdless are still there, and some people aren't happy about it.
Some of them got _Searched_, can you believe it?"

"There are two Holdless riding dragons here already. Don't you
remember that bronzerider who got stabbed by a guard three Turns ago?
J'ackt?" H'run made a face. "He had several songs written about him.
And there's another Holdless brownrider flying with Cyclone Wing now.
It seems Holdless riders are simply the thing these days."

"I guess so. You're missing a lot of drama." K'mai took a sip of his
drink, thinking, **don't you want to come home?** Even if part of him
was grateful that the way-too-observant H'run wasn't around to take
note of how much time K'mai and I'serin were spending together.

"Dolphin Cove has been utterly lovely though," H'run continued as if
he hadn't heard. "As much as I miss my wardrobe, the opportunity to
_not_ have to wear so much has been quite liberating. And I've had a
chance to get back to crafting a bit. B'nell -- he's the Queen's
Wing's Wingsecond -- he and I were at the Harper Hall together. I had
no idea that he'd Impressed."

K'mai smiled, tentative but genuine. "I'm glad you found an old
friend, and that you're having a good time here." The smile faded.
"H'run, I really am sorry about what happened."

**Are you?** The thought hurt, but it was easy enough to shove down.
H'run shrugged and stared fixedly at the dancers. "Honestly, I'm fine.
I just needed some sunshine. It's good for the soul, you know?"

"Yeah." K'mai wondered if he should leave it at that, but the guilt
kept eating at him. "I used you, and that was a terrible thing to do.
You didn't deserve that."

"No, I didn't." The other bluerider sighed. He wanted to be angry, but
anger was as hard to hold onto as mist when K'mai was standing there
beside him, near enough to touch. The hurt remained, a familiar,
stabbing friend. "I am still in love with you. I know you don't want
that, but I can't... stop. And I also can't... compete, with the
person you love. Even though I don't understand the attraction at
_all_."

Fear squeezed K'mai's chest, but H'run had already guessed, this
wasn't anything new. And denying it would just cause another argument.
So K'mai decided to give him as much of the truth as he could. "I
can't help the way I feel, just like you can't help how you feel about
me. It's not that I don't want you to love me, it's just that I can't
love you back the same way. I still love you, too, it's just not
romantic. I'd be fine if you could accept that." He reached for
H'run's hand.

H'run let him take it. K'mai's touch felt like a brand. "I know where
I stand in your estimation."

K'mai squeezed his hand. "H'run, it's not a competition. I _miss_
you." And as much as he'd been caught up with I'serin, he still
thought of H'run sometimes, fleeing to Dolphin Cove because K'mai had
hurt him so badly, and he _did_ miss H'run.

It was almost everything he wanted to hear. If K'mai had come earlier,
if he hadn't just let him walk away like he was nothing-- but he had.
Hurt stole his breath. H'run smiled. "I miss you too. I-- oh Faranth,
you're going to make me cry and this is supposed to be a party!" He
disentangled his hand and forced a laugh. "I need a drink. Do you?"

"Yeah, let's get a drink." There was a little bit of hope, at least,
that K'mai could repair their friendship.

Last updated on the May 26th 2025

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Feelings That Can't Be Helped