To Reach for Him

Writers: Halyonix, Devin
Date Posted: 19th May 2025
Series: Bronze and Blue Entwined

Characters: I'serin, K'mai, Isoria
Description: When Threadfall is finally over, I'serin goes to check on K'mai.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 6, day 17 of Turn 12
Notes: Follows "To Fail, To Fall"

I'serin

K'mai

Sebeth appeared over Dragonsfall Weyr, eyes whirling white. }:Mine is
hurt! I cannot reach him!:{ The silence in their bond was terrifying.
He made a clumsy landing, shouting loud enough for any dragon to hear
him. Healers rushed toward him and Sebeth flattened himself against
the ground so they could climb up and unfasten K'mai.

}:K'mai, don't leave me! Please!:{

"He's unconscious?" Isoria asked as two apprentices came in carrying
an injured dragonrider. She tutted sympathetically. "That cot there,"
she directed them. "Is someone calming his dragon?"

"Think so," one answered. "Doesn't look too bad. Maybe he fainted?"

Isoria made a commanding gesture. "We'll get him patched up and find out."

A candlemark passed. Another.

A throbbing pain filled K'mai's head. His arm felt strange. }:K'mai?
K'mai!:{ Fear and relief flooded into him.

**Sebeth? What happened?** Then he remembered getting scored, the
chaos . . . K'mai opened his eyes and tried to sit up, but the spike
of pain sent him collapsing back to the pillow. "Ow."

"Let's not move too much now," a feminine voice said quickly. A firm
but gentle hand pressed down on his shoulder, enforcing her words.

K'mai blinked up at her. "Isoria?" Cold fear clawed at him. "Is I'serin okay?"

"As far as I know, yes," she said with a maternal smile. "The Wings
should be back any moment now, Faranth willing. Now, how do you feel?"

"My head is _killing_ me. I don't even know what happened . . ."

}:Trasiboth fell on us. She is hurt but she will recover.:{

"A _dragon_ fell on me? Shards, guess I'm lucky then." K'mai looked
over at his right arm, heavily bandaged. The numbweed must be working
because he hardly felt anything. "How bad is my arm?"

Isoria didn't answer that at first. When K'mai reported to her that
his head hurt, she tilted his chin up so that his eyes were in the
light, looking for something only a Healer might know. "Hm. A
concussion would explain that," she mused clinically. She released his
chin. "Thread hadn't yet burrowed into your arm so it's mostly
superficial. You'll have some lovely scars to show off to the ladies
in a few sevendays."

"And the gentlemen," he said, almost automatically. "Guess I'll be
grounded for a while." It could have been worse, a _lot_ worse.

"Not for long. You'll be out of here in no time," she promised him.
With a maternal pat, she added, "Now, I'm going to see another
patient. You try to get some sleep. Call if you need anything."

~*~

It took all of his discipline to remain in his straps when Aluneth
landed in the Weyrbowl an eternity later. There was a part of his mind
that endlessly kept gibbering K'mai's name, like a terrified canine
trying to escape a kennel. To anyone else, the sight of their young,
ash-streaked Weyrleader sitting atop Aluneth with his eyes closed was
nothing new. This was his post-Fall routine.

This time though, it was all he could do to stop from running towards
the Infirmary to see if K'mai was alright.

**It is all my fault,** he thought, letting that gibbering worry slip
a little more free.

}: Focus, I'serin, :{ Aluneth said sharply. But there was
understanding in the dragon's tone. They were almost able to slip free
of their most pressing duties. I'serin catalogued the most important
things he needed to handle over the next few hours (K'mai, K'mai,
K'mai), made a note delegating another two items (K'mai), softly
groaned when Aluneth relayed the number of injuries (K'mai). An
utterly disastrous day. He would, no doubt, be in meetings with
Wingleaders until late tonight about his error.

When Aluneth's voice fell silent, signaling the end of all of the
reports, I'serin opened his eyes to stare at the sky. He felt
absolutely exhausted and torn. It went far beyond physical fatigue.
Like he was trying to hold something together that he no longer had
the strength to maintain.

}: Go to him, :{ Aluneth said softly, supportively. Shaking, I'serin
unbuckled the straps. He did not remember walking the path to the
Infirmary. He did not think that he ran but there was a gap of time he
did not recall and suddenly he was there. It was fuller than usual
(because of his error). He scanned each bay quickly, not seeing any of
the faces that were looking at him because he was looking for one face
in particular.

“Oh! You’re here,” he heard his mother say. “Your friend was ask-”

“Where?” he snapped. He felt so brittle. He should rein in his
emotions yet he could not.

Isoria pursed her lips, obviously trying to decide how to handle her
Weyrleader son. Eventually, she said, “Come with me.” She led him into
one of the bays. “He has a concussion and some wounding on his arm,”
she said conversationally, as if trying to assure him that everything
would be fine, just like she was talking to him as a child. It set his
teeth on edge. “Nothing that won’t heal in a few sevendays though.”

When she pushed back the curtain, chattering on to K’mai in that same
conversational tone (“Look who came to see you!”), I’serin felt as
though he had been punched. “Leave us,” he heard himself say from far
away. His mother shot him a look that he chose not to acknowledge but
she left. He briskly tugged the curtain shut behind her.

A million words lodged in his throat yet the only one that made it out
was, “K’mai.”

Faranth, I'serin looked terrible, and guilt was written all over his
face. All K'mai wanted to do was hold him, the ache almost as fierce
as the pounding in his head. "It's not your fault," he said in a shaky
voice.

Brittle steel glinted in I'serin's hazel eyes. "It was," he answered
softly. It was only four steps to K'mai's side yet it felt like he was
wading through deep water to get there. He should be mindful, he told
himself, but for once, he did not care who saw. He had made enough
mistakes in the last few days. He would not make another one right
now. He put a trembling hand on
K'mai's uninjured shoulder, one shaking finger touching the edge of
his hair. "How...do you
feel?" the Weyrleader asked woodenly. It was not the words he wanted
to say. He wanted to apologize in so many ways. He wanted to kiss
K'mai, he wanted to burn his Weyrleader knots, he wanted to run away
to a deserted island. Why, instead, did he just stand there, rooted,
feeling as though he was about to collapse?

"I'm okay." It felt like a lie. Even now, all they could have was
this, I'serin barely touching him. It shouldn't hurt this much, but it did.
K'mai closed his eyes and tears spilled down his cheeks.

The tears broke whatever spell held him upright. I'serin knelt down
and placed an ash-streaked kiss on K'mai's cheek, capturing a salty
tear. "I have failed you," he admitted. "As friend, as
Weyrleader,...as lover. You, who have done everything to protect me,
when all I have brought you is harm and heartache. I am..." Sorry?
Unworthy? The worst? I'serin could use another half dozen words to
describe how awful he had treated K'mai and none of them would
accurately capture how he felt. His hand slowly moved to cover
K'mai's, hoping that the bluerider would not reject him but expecting
it all the same. "I did not mean what I said in front of A'len and yet
I should never have said it. It was cruel. It was untrue. I cannot undo
it. Much like I cannot undo my error today." He let out a shuddering
breath. "You do not deserve me. I will only bring you pain."

More tears spilled from K'mai's eyes and he turned his hand to squeeze
the bronzerider's. He hadn't meant those cruel words. K'mai _knew_
that but it was still such a relief to hear. "I'serin, you're worth
it. You're worth _everything_. You make me so happy."

I'serin's forehead lay against the hollow of K'mai's shoulder. He
could not fathom how he made K'mai so happy, especially after the last
few days. All he could see were the times he had failed. E'tariax's
words about how it was easy to amplify one's own faults came to mind
but did little to soothe the rawness I'serin felt. He remained in that
position, self-loathing coursing through him, until he finally said,
"You deserve better."

K'mai lifted his good hand to stroke I'serin's hair and turned his
head enough to kiss I'serin's temple, even though the motion sent pain
pounding through his skull. It didn't hurt as much as the ache he felt
for the bronzerider. "I hurt you, too, when I kissed you in the flight
room. We've both made mistakes, and that's okay. You don't have to be
perfect, I'serin."

**But I do,** I'serin thought, every childhood memory of the
perfection his father had demanded surging forward.

}: You do not, :{ Aluneth interjected. }: I did not choose you for
perfection, I'serin. You are perfect for me, yes, and I for you, but
you are not perfect in all things. Nor will you ever be. Tirenth's
rider has been wrong to expect such as you and you are wrong for
expecting it of yourself. :{

I'serin did not have time to unpack those statements from dragon and
lover. He did not want to. Not just yet. Raising his head enough to
look K'mai in the eyes, he said, "I cannot promise you that I will not
hurt you again. I can only beg that--"

"Weyrleader," someone interrupted. I'serin instinctively tensed,
withdrawing his hand just enough before he caught himself. He closed
his eyes, furious with himself, with the poor person who had just
interrupted them. "I'm sorry, one of the Wingleaders, he's..." the
Healer tried to explain.

Of course I'serin was still afraid of being discovered. A small part
of K'mai had hoped that this might have . . . changed things. He tried
to make his expression blank, to hide the tenderness he felt. It did
hurt, to have this moment stolen, with words unsaid. To have the man
he loved flinch away from him. But I'serin wasn't ready. Protection,
that was what K'mai had promised. "Thank you for checking on me. I'm
sure you have other people to see, Weyrleader."

When I'serin opened his eyes, there was something painful and
dangerous brewing in those hazel depths. A hurricane gathering
strength. Ignoring the Healer waiting, I'serin rose woodenly but said,
"I will return," with fierce promise scarring his tone.

Last updated on the May 27th 2025

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To Reach for Him