Just Too Depressing

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 14th June 2006

Characters: Gaiya, Ar'lis
Description: Gaiya and Ar'lis spend an unfortunately typical evening together
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 12, day 3 of Turn 3

Pepper weaved in and out between Gaiya's ankles as she waved at little Authen and his papa. "Bye bye!" she called after them.

She sighed as she slowly closed the door and picked up the feline who was begging for a little attention now that he had his woman all to himself again. Gaiya buried her face in the soft fur of his neck and gave him a fond kiss. Spitting out strands of sheded fur she decided she would just have to spend a while petting and brushing her neglected feline until he grew sick of the attention. It had been a while since they had spent much time just the two of them.

Sitting back against the back of the sofa she sighed contentedly. "Just you and me Pepper. Like old times, huh?" She had to admit, she was looking forward to an evening _alone_ for once. And the fostermother had planned ahead. She had a nice bottle of red wine waiting, and a perfectly scandalous but terribly romantic novel she had borrowed from a friend. No children, no Ar'lis... Just Gaiya and Pepper, alone at last.

Ar'lis paused outside the door. Months ago, he never would have hesitated like he was now. In fact, he wouldn't have even _knocked_--he just would have gone right on in. He sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair. When had things gotten so sharding...tense between them? Ah, but he could pinpoint a time, couldn't he? His jaw tightened at the memory of Vilarth's flight. _That's_ then everything had fallen apart--and not just between him and Gaiya, but between him and others as well.

Pushing those unwanted thoughts away, he glanced down at the bouquet of flowers in his hand, then back up at the door. Raising his other hand, he knocked.

**Shards...** She was pretty sure there went her perfect solitude.
Reluctantly she picked up a purring Pepper and set him on a chair as comfortably as she could. Not comfortable enough for him, apparently as he immediately jumped off. The mood had been broken and he might as well go chase his ball.

With a short sigh Gaiya mustered her brightest smile. **It's Ar'lis.
You should be _happy_ to see him,** she reminded herself. But a piece of her couldn't help but hope that she was wrong and it was Authen's Papa after having forgotten some toy somewhere in her weyr. Gaiya knew she was not that lucky though.

"Ar'lis! What are you doing here? And with flowers?" The flowers actually where a surprise.

"They're for you, sweetheart," he murmured, pressing them into her hands before gathering her close, kissing her on her brow. "Thought you might like them."

"Oh, I do," she smiled, pulling him down for a proper kiss. Now _this_
was more like the Ar'lis she had remembered! "What's the occasion?"

He gave her a boyish grin. "What, do I _need_ one?"

"No, of course not. But you should probably come in," she smiled apologetically as she stepped back into her weyr. "Let me just find a place for these. You know where the sofa is of course."

"Of course. Ah..." He paused, looking down at the small table where her book was. "Interrupt you in your reading, did I?"

"Oh no," she lied as she looked in the cupboard for a vase. "I hadn't started that one yet."

"You sure? I think I see a bookmark..." His tone lightly teased her.

"Oh, that was left in there. It's Atmora's book," she said with a shrug as she set the vase on top of her book shelf. Oh, no, Pepper would surely knock it off of there...

"Mmmm...." He flopped back onto her sofa. "You know, sweetheart, you can keep readin' if you'd like." He remembered encouraging Lenala once, so long ago.

"No no," she smiled over her shoulder as she set the flowers in the middle of the table instead. Pepper wasn't allowed up there. "You're here. I don't need a book to keep me entertained."

The bronzerider glanced at her. **Oh no?** "Then come on over here and sit, hmm?"

"All right." Gaiya gave the flowers one last adjustment in their vase before walking over to the sofa. She was pretty sure what would come next. Uncomfortable conversation covered over with flirting and foreplay. That seemed to be the way most of their meetings went...

But when she sat, he didn't bend to kiss her neck, or make any kind of comment like he usually would. Gently his hand slid around her shoulders--but to rub them, massaging them. "The weyrbrats behaved for you then, today?"

"Yes," she nodded, turning to give him better access to her shoulders.
Shards, but she was a sucker for massages. "I only had Authen today.
Juthrila's children have the flu."

"Shards, that's terrible," he murmured, complying to her unspoken wish and kneading across her shoulder blades. "Your brother isn't sick, is he?"

"Oh no," she reassured him. "No Hezri's in... Oooooo, yeah, right there. Hezri's just fine."

"Good." He applied more pressure to the tense spot right near the base of her neck. "I haven't seen the lad in a while. Has his legs been getting any longer?" He grinned, remembering the time when he'd raced him across the shore.

"I'm not sure they'll ever stop growing now," Gaiya sighed. "He's going to be a full grown man in another five or ten turns."

"Perhaps with a dragon at his side too."

"Please, let's not talk about that," she sighed. He already was talking about Standing. If Thread had never returned she would be excited for him, but now...

"It still scares you, sweetheart?" he asked softly, his hands stilling on her shoulders.

"Of course it does. In forty-some turns of fighting Thread a lot can happen." She shook her head and looked down at her fingers. "He's just a little boy, really. He's too young for all of that."

"Boys grow up a lot faster during a Pass, Gaiya." Gently he brushed a finger against her neck. "It's the way things are."

"Yes, but they shouldn't _have_ to Ar'lis. It's just not fair that he can't enjoy his youth the way we all did. The way generations and generations for hundreds of turns did."

"You're right. It's not fair. But what can we do?"

"Nothing," she admitted reluctantly. "There's nothing that we can do of course. He just... deserved better, is all..."

"But isn't this what he wants? To Impress?"

"Oh shards, Ar'lis. Do you think its going to ease my heart any when Thread tears through his body just by thinking 'But this was what he wanted'?"

He inwardly winced at how that sounded. "Who says he'll be scored?
Shards, Gaiya, each generation of new riders is getting even more efficient than the last. Scorings _are_ fewer now--and most of them are due to stupidity. And your brother is not a stupid lad, Gaiya."

"Generations? Ar'lis, its been _three_ turns! Riders are still getting scored all the time! And stupidity happens. Just look at what happened at Dolphin Cove. A whole wing ripped apart. How many Weyrlings do we _still_ lose in bloodings? And in their first months after joining the wings? It's getting _better_, but a lot of lives will be lost and a lot of bodies mangled before this Pass is done, and is it so sharding wrong that I don't want my baby brother to be one of them?!"

So much for reassurance. "No, love. It's not."

They fell into a strained silence as Gaiya silently fumed. Shells, couldn't he even just have _held_ her? Couldn't he have just petted her hair and told her that he knew she was worried and that she had reason to be, but that no matter what he would be there for her? No, he had to just talk and work her up worse. Why did he even _come_! At least in the book she could have lived vicariously in a perfect romance for a least a couple candlemarks...

Shards--what did he _say_? He wasn't a stupid man--he could feel her back tensing again beneath his hands. Carefully he slid one around to her side, hoping that he could try and ease whatever was sharding hanging between them. "I'm sorry, Gaiya," he murmured against her hair.
For what, he wasn't quite sure. Maybe for more than one thing. But it seemed like the right thing to say to her right now.

"It's all right. It's not you." It was a lie, but that seemed to be the easiest way to communicate with him sometimes.

The bronzerider sighed before giving her a gentle kiss on her neck. How many times had he heard that before? Shards...it just wasn't working tonight, was it? Resigned, he lifted his head and shifted on the sofa.
"I should probably go, sweetheart. Zylarth is impatiently demanding a good oiling..." Shards.

Great, and now he was going to go off and mope for a few days, get all down on himself and be _impossible_ to talk to, Gaiya thought. Oh well, it was inevitable. It wasn't such a bad way to end a disastrous evening really. In fact, it seemed to be the only way they could get through disastrous evenings. Which also seemed to be the only kind of evenings they had...

Gaiya reached down for the hand around her waist and lifted it to her lips and softly kissed each finger. "Are you _sure_ you have to go so soon?" She continued to play with his fingers as she waited for his reply.

"You know how Zylarth can be..." He leaned over and kissed her first on the tip of her nose, then on her lips, wishing that he had the sharding finesse to handle this better. Rising, he nodded to her book. "Enjoy your reading, sweetheart."

"Thanks, I will," she mumbled as he made his way to the door. Gaiya looked at the book and frowned. She didn't feel like reading about anyone else's love-life right now. It would just be too... depressing.

Last updated on the June 15th 2006

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Just Too Depressing