Together In Loss

Writers: Avery, Devin, Estelle
Date Posted: 28th June 2025

Characters: Talryne, Kapera, R'ayl
Description: Talryne faces her fear of riding a dragon other than Loseth in order to visit her friend Kapera at Barrier Lake, and the two dragonless women discuss the future.
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr, Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 18 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: N'vanik, J'nus

Talryne

Kapera

Talryne tried to force down the panic. "I--I'm ready." Her arms
wrapped around the young bluerider. This was the first time she'd
ridden a dragon other than Loseth since she lost Ysanth.

}:I can take you,:{ Loseth said.

**No, I need to do this.** N'vanik had duties, and while she could
take Loseth without him, she didn't want to rely on that. It was best
that she do this now, because she planned to visit Kapera regularly.

R'ayl looked back over his shoulder, his young face solemn. He was very
aware of what a responsibility it was to carry the Weyrleader's
weyrmate. "Don't worry, ma'am. Delorth is a good dragon, he'll fly us
safely there." He felt the vibrations of Delorth's reassuring rumble
through his legs, before the blue crouched and leapt into the air.

Talryne's grip tightened, her eyes slamming shut. **I can do this. I
can do this.**

The small blue was much lighter in the air than Loseth, and the air
currents lifted him swiftly above the cliffs, where he caught a sea
breeze and swung out in a wide circle above the Weyr, rising and falling
with each wingbeat. R'ayl leaned forward and rested a hand lightly on
Delorth's neck. **Steady.**

"We're about to go /between/, ma'am," he called back to his passenger.
"Are you ready?"

She thought her heart might pound right out of her chest.
Instinctively, she reached for Loseth. }:I'm with you. You're not
alone.:{ It wasn't the same. It would never be the same as riding her
own lifemate, but she couldn't keep depending on Loseth alone to take
her places. Not when Kapera needed her.

"I'm ready," Talryne said, and braced herself.

R'ayl closed his eyes tightly and concentrated on Barrier Lake: the wide
sapphire-blue circle of the bay, the tree-lined slope, green and golden
with turning leaves, leading up to the heights above the cliffs. In his
mind he heard the soft lapping of water on the sandy shore and the
creaking of ropes and wood from the dock. He was never sure if the
sounds helped Delorth or not, but it made the image more memorable to
him. **Let's go.**

Moments later, there they were. Delorth bugled a greeting to the
watchdragon, circled once and glided down to make a gentle landing
outside the infirmary.

Talryne's fingers shook as she tried to unstrap herself. "I need to
get down." Those few moments of dark nothing had seemed to go on
forever. }:You're safe,:{ Loseth said. }:Delorth wouldn't let anything
bad happen to you.:{

"Here, let me help." R'ayl turned in the straps and helped to unbuckle
her. Delorth folded his wings and crouched low, turning his head to look
back at his passengers. His eyes whirled green with just a hint of
yellow, and he made a soft, enquiring croon. "He says he's sorry if we
were blown about a bit."

She made it to the ground and stood there trying to calm down. She'd
gotten used to riding Loseth, but taking a different dragon, one she
couldn't talk to when she was already feeling so raw, was deeply
unnerving. "It's fine," she managed. "Thank you, Delorth." Next time
would be easier, she told herself.

By the time she made it to Kapera's room, her breathing was nearly
back to normal. "Hi, Kapera."

Kapera was sitting up in one of the two chairs in the room, _not_ on
the bed. Her hair was loose-flowing down her back and shoulders, with
two small clips keeping it out her eyes - not bound up to keep it out
the way like she would if she was working. The table beside her had a
cup of warm tea and a book about scandalous sea pirates.

"Hi Talryne. Thank Faranth you're not a Healer," she said with
emphasis. "I've been fussed on four times in two candlemarks and I was
almost ready to throw this book."

Seeing her friend sitting up and making jokes chased away the cold and
dark of /between/. Talryne smiled and walked over to give her a hug.
"Good book?"

Kapera managed the hug, though she winced slightly. "My head still
hurts if I try to read for too long, but I'm determined to get through
it anyway because it's so terrible it's good."

Talryne laughed softly. "N'vanik used to read to me. He still does,
sometimes." He read to Loseth, too, and sometimes the three of them
would curl up on the dragon's couch with an adventure story. "You
should get J'nus to read to you."

“That would be nice. The Healers say that head injuries take a lot of
time to heal. Some days I forget about the knife wound because of it,”
she admitted. Oh, the knife wound had been bad enough it would have
grounded her in the Infirmary for awhile. It certainly hurt to
breathe, and it disfigured her breast, but it hadn’t hit her heart or
lung or kidney.

"Is that healing up okay?" Talryne asked.

"It's going to scar up ugly, but it didn't puncture anything serious.
I don't even care that it will scar. Isn't that funny?" For someone
who'd been as sexualized as she was before...as Dragonsfall Weyrwoman,
even as Dolphin Cove's Second it would have felt life-ending. For
Barrier Lake's Weyrwoman, it would have been a deep insult to her
pride...but it hadn't crossed her mind to be mournful about it, she
still felt numb.

"I kept forgetting about my scoring," Talryne said with a sad smile.
"It seemed so minor in comparison, and the thought of having scars for
the rest of my life . . . it just didn't matter." What were a few
marks on her skin compared to the hole inside her?

"Exactly. I used to think my breasts and my face were my best part,
but now it's just like... I'm considering cutting my hair, too.
Because bathing is hard. Sometimes it's a few days between. J'nus
helps with it of course, as do Healers. Keeping it in braids helps.
But I don't know, maybe I should cut it to my chin. A real
reinvention, right?"

"It might help," Talryne agreed. "I thought about cutting my hair
early on, too. N'vanik said not to, and I'm glad I kept it." She ran
her fingers through a few strands. "I like it long, and in those early
days it was so nice to have him help me wash it and comb it." The
soothing physical touch had helped to keep her grounded and calm.

"I'll keep it for now, then, and see if that helps. I can always
remove it later if I need to. And maybe it will help to see something
I recognize later." She reached out to touch Talryne's hair. "Did you
style it any differently?"

Talryne shook her head. "I didn't really think about it much, except
when it got tangled or in the way. Hair, clothes . . . none of it
really mattered. Not until I started feeling better."

"I have no idea when better will start when I'm stuck in here," Kapera grumbled.

Wasn't there anything she could do now? Maybe that's why cutting hair
appealed. It was something immediate she could change. Everything
would take her awhile. Leaving this room might take her awhile. Which
was a terrible thought, but it was also reassuring.

But when she left this room, well... then she'd have to see the rest
of the Weyr. Other people's eyes, and their pity, and their reactions.
At least inside this Infirmary room, she could control who saw her.
Her as she was now, diminished, broken. She could build this into a
little retreat and fort, where only Healers could see her, and the few
rankers she allowed into the space with her, and J'nus. And the
Healers weren't allowed to tell, and she could try to use her
authority - old authority - to control what the rankers would say,
and...

And Talryne surely would understand that feeling. Saying it aloud
felt stupid in some ways, but if she didn't tell Talryne, who could
she tell? The mindhealers here were all dragonriders, and thinking
about talking to one of them... No, she couldn't stand what would be
in their eyes most of all. At least Lower Caverns workers she could
maybe face.

"They've said that my head and chest are better enough now that I
could move out of here to a new weyr soon. They've had me walking
around here for exercise, and tried to convince me to go walking
around outside in the sunlight. For my health. Or at night if it's
easier on my eyes. I tell them it still hurts to be in the light." She
gestured over at the glows, fell quiet for a moment but it was obvious
she had more to say.

"J'nus and the Headwoman will pick one that's big enough for Kopth but
I can still get to. There's lots on lower levels with inside and
outside access of course, even a few of the temporary cots and wallows
by the crafter village left over, but I don't know if he'd like that.
More private, but... I don't want to leave being in here. I don't want
to be...seen."

Talryne put a hand on her arm. "You don't want them staring at you
with pity and horror. Like you're nothing but a reminder of the worst
thing that could happen." It happened less often now, but people still
gave her that look when they learned about her past, and some
dragonriders who'd lived at Dolphin Cove for Turns could still barely
look at her.

"Because losing my dragon didn't just gut me. It gutted the Weyr. When
Riyanth rose first, we were the Symbol of the Weyrhold. That there was
a queen here producing eggs, there was a Weyrwoman to be the heart of
the Weyr. And now...Riyanth's gone, that symbol's gone, and I'm here
without her."

Kapera's voice felt raw as she forced out the words. Saying out loud
what it meant, to be a dragonless _goldrider_. To have been the first
Weyrwoman to inaugurate the Weyr, to have been a living icon of it,
and now to not have the part of the self that represented it...

The tears she thought she'd shed all of started to come again,
trailing slow down her cheeks. Both hands rose up to grip the solid
point of contact against her arm. "I can't stay here and be that
broken symbol."

"Come to Dolphin Cove," Talryne said. "We'd love to have you, and it
might be easier for you there. N'vanik has bullied at least half the
Weyr into treating me like a normal person," she joked. "He'd do the
same for you."

"It has the fewest bad memories of any Weyr I've lived at. And J'nus
can't exactly live Weyrless. If you think he'll have us once I'm
ready...I'll have to find something to contribute, but." She'd have to
do that wherever she went.

"Me and N'vanik already talked about it." Talryne smiled gently. "We
were going to wait until you recovered a little before we suggested
it, but you gave me a perfect opening. And there would be no rush for
you to figure out what to do."

"If you're sure, that would be perfect. My head knows we give dra-"
she couldn't say it... "those like us... more time before needing to
contribute, but Barrier Lake in particular has had so much pressure
for _everyone_ to be filling a role."

"N'vanik would give you all the time you needed, and I'm sure Cyradis
would too. I didn't do anything for _months_." All Talryne had done
was spend time with N'vanik, go to healer appointments, or wait for
N'vanik to come home. And try to survive. "It'll be fine."

"I appreciate you saying that, and checking in." Her breath shuddered,
but her voice was a little stronger. "It feels so much better to know
that someone...knows."

"I hate that this happened to either of us, but I'm glad we have each other." Talryne squeezed her hand and selfishly hoped Kapera would be around for a long time.

"I'm glad we have each other, too. I don't think I could do this
without your knowing. If I had to be first...well, I think you're
stronger than me, but together we can be strong and make it through."
It felt terrible she was benefitting from Talryne's pain. But, it was
good...in some way...that out of tragedy was coming something good.

Last updated on the July 7th 2025

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Together In Loss