I Don't Want to Disappear
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Aaron, Devin, Iluva, Steel
Date Posted: 2nd April 2026
Characters: R'lor, H'yazi, L'tos, Zaidi
Description: Not every Weyrling is eager to take their first jumps /between/.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 20 of Turn 12
While R’lor was excited for this milestone, it always came with the worry that one or more of the weyrling pairs might not make it. He’d seen so many bright young people and dragons make their first jumps /between/ only to never return, lost forever to the cold, dark void.
}:They will do fine,:{ Kularth assured him.
The Weyrlingmaster tucked his worries away. The class needed to see his confidence in their abilities. “Good afternoon, Weyrlings. Training up until now has been easy, though you might not believe that. Today you face your first serious test as riders. When it’s your turn, I need you to be calm and focused. You’ll fly to a safe height and visualize the Star Stones. The image must be perfect and you need to fix it firmly in your mind. You’ll pass that image to Kularth and we’ll both check it before giving you permission to make your first jump.”
He scanned the young faces, ranging from barely-contained excitement to looking like they were about to be sick. “Would anyone like to go first?”
“Me.” L’tos blurted an instant later, and then swallowed, took a half step forward. “I mean… we’d like to, Weyrlingmaster.” He drew himself up to stand taller, squared his shoulders. “We can do this.”
}:We will not fail.:{ Hallisenth promised, full of draconic certainty. }:All the older dragons do it. We will do it too.:{
R’lor nodded to him. “Double check your straps and mount up.” The young man certainly showed promise.
L'tos nodded, and moved to check said straps, even giving a tug or two, before he clambered up onto Hallisenth’s back.
The green wiggled, and then sprang straight up, accompanied by a startled squawk from her rider.
}:My L'tos asks which side of the Star Stones we are meant to go to.:{ She asked Kularth.
}:You should be in front, just like the image we practiced,:{ Kularth said. The whole class had gone up several times to get a good view of the Star Stones from the air, and the riders had practiced drawing them over and over. }:Once your rider sees them clearly, pass the image to me.:{
Hallisenth sent back an affirmative, circling in the air above as she waited.
L'tos concentrated very hard on what he was sure was the right image before he passed it to Hallisenth. Then double checked it.
Hallisenth passed Kularth the image. }:Mine asks if this is right. :{ She says. }:We are exactly the correct distance away. My straps and his are secure. L'tos is certain we will not fail.:{
R’lor took a deep breath as he gave his confirmation. }:You may go,:{ Kularth told the green.
L'tos took a shaky breath. All right. This was it. It was time. He could do this. He _had_ to do this. **Go, Hallisenth.** he ordered, gripping the riding straps and giving her the image.
They vanished.
3… 2… 1.
And there they were, again! Hallisenth reappeared by the Star Stones, and bugled her victory. }:We did it!!!:{
}:Good job, Hallisenth! You can fly back down, now,:{ Kularth said.
R’lor was relieved, but that was only the first one and there were several more left to go.
For H’yazi, this was far worse than flying. Just one little mistake, one distracted thought, and he was gone forever, lost and drowning in an endless sea of darkness with no way back to the surface.
}:H’yazi, are you, ah… all right?:{ asked Iarlath. }:You know, I have to say, you're feeling a little… tight. In the chest. It’s more than a little concerning.:{
**I’m all right.** His knuckles were white. Come to think of it, there was no color in any of him.
}:I, uh… I don’t think so-- Kularth? H’yazi is-- he’s, well, he’s frightening me, that’s what he is.:{
R’lor was about to pick the next eager volunteer when Kularth alerted him to the situation. He told the class to wait and headed over to the young bluerider. “H’yazi? Is something wrong?”
“Hm? What? No. Sorry. What?” H’yazi realized then how much his heart was pounding and how hard it felt to breathe. “Um. I think maybe I had too much klah?”
}:No, that’s not it…:{ said Iarlath.
“Maybe I swallowed vtols?” he tried to joke, but the attempt at laughter sounded almost deranged.
“It’s perfectly normal to be nervous,” R’lor said gently. “Take slow, deep breaths. Lean on your dragon for support.”
H’yazi did his best, but his breath came in ragged and trembling. Eventually, it steadied to a degree, but the moment he returned his thoughts to the coming assignment, the trembling returned.
“I don’t want to disappear,” he squeaked.
“You won’t,” R’lor said with a confidence he didn’t feel. It was always possible, no matter how well-prepared, that a weyrling wouldn’t make it. “Iarlath was born for this, he just needs a little help from you to get to the right place. Try sending him the image.”
H’yazi closed his eyes and imagined the place they were supposed to go. He had seen it several times now. He knew what the stones looked like. He could picture them in his head.
}:Well, now, that's all there is to it, isn’t it?:{ asked Iarlath. He sent the image onward to Kularth.
“It’s a good, clear image,” R’lor said after Kularth showed him. “All you have to do is hold that in your head when Iarlath takes you /between/. Just a few seconds, and then you’ll be through to the other side. Ok?” He patted H’yazi’s shoulder.
}:We can do this, all right?:{ said Iarlath.
“All right.” H’yazi nodded and then the blue took him into the air. He clung the image in his mind like a life preserver. It may as well have been one.
Together, he and Iarlath disappeared _between_. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, though there was nothing else to see. He had to keep seeing that image. How long was this supposed to take? How were they not back yet? Was this it? Was he lost? Had he disappeared?
Oh, there they were. They appeared above the starstones.
}:You see? We did it.:{
R’lor let out a sigh as the tension left him. They’d made it.
}:Good job!:{ Kularth said. }:Tell your rider he did very well.:{
There they were! Zaidi, up on her tiptoes and peaking out from beneath Bharboth's wing, was so relieved she clapped.
R’lor turned to the rest of the class and chose another pair who seemed excited rather than nervous. After a few more of the weyrlings had made their first jumps /between/, he decided it was time for the youngest rider to make her attempt.
“Zaidi and Bharboth, it’s your turn.”
Zaidi had had a bad stomach ever since the day began. It hadn’t dulled any, but she’d been so intently focused on the others that she didn’t quite realize how bad it was until R’lor looked her way.
Now, her name in the air, she clung to Bharboth for support, burying her face into her thickly muscled foreleg. She felt dizzy. She felt like an imposter, knees weak and trembling.
Bharboth did not understand the source of her hesitancy or fear, rarely did, but she nudged her little rider ever so gently, rumbling soft encouragement in the place of her usual bluster and bullishness. }:There is nothing to be afraid of, Zaidi, dear. It's a natural part of training.:{
There was _everything_ to be afraid of. Black, blacker, blackest. She knew that one.
And it was _not_ natural not being able to breathe or see or feel. She'd only been through the void of _between_ once in her whole life, and that had been with a seasoned Searchrider that she hadn't laid eyes on since arriving and was now seriously starting to doubt was still living at all.
“I… I_can't_.” Zaidi half gasped, half wailed. If some of the older weyrlings were struggling with this, with nerves and fear and uncertainty, that told her everything. If her mind was blank and her stomach starting to heave, there was no way they would survive. She couldn't hold any image like this. She would kill Bharboth and they'd be lost somewhere she couldn't even fathom. Zaidi shook her head vigorously. She curled tighter against her dragon's foreleg like she might disappear into Bharboth rather than the nothingness waiting for them.
Despite sensing it would only make things worse, Bharboth snorted down at her in frustration and mild confusion. }:We will have to do this sooner or later--:{
“Later!” Zaidi sobbed, although that truth was just as terrifying as now. It almost felt like _between_ was coming for them, an inevitability of being swallowed up. It didn't matter that it meant they could go almost anywhere, that she could see her family again, that they could finally meet Bharboth. That she would be a real dragonrider. Bharboth never got anything wrong, and this…. This was all on her. She was just a girl from a cothold and she should have stayed there.
“S-sir,” she managed to croak out against dragonhide, meaning R'lor, “I don't w-want to, I… I _can't_!”
}:Zaidi--:{ Bharboth's eyes whirled yellow, unused to being resisted.
“NO! Please, no, please please please…”
R’lor only sent half a thought and Kularth was moving, gliding down from his perch on the Heights. “Why don’t you both come over here, behind Kularth,” the Weyrlingmaster said as the blue landed a short distance away from the rest of the class.
Bharboth nosed her toward Kularth, a little too roughly. Zaidi nearly stumbled and the tears came before she could stop them. She dragged in a hasty breath and pressed one hand against her green's muzzle, trying to steady herself. The whole class would know she was a failure. That was true. But her stomach hurt and her brown eyes swam with fear as she stared up at the Weyrlingmaster pleadingly. “I can't do it. I can't do it.”
“You can.” R’lor bent down and pulled her into a hug. “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay. But Bharboth chose you for a reason. You’re a dragonrider now, and you need to be brave.” There were times his job was very hard, and pushing this young girl to do something that might kill her made him almost regret accepting the rank. “You can be brave, Zaidi, I know you can.”
“But I can’t--” Zaidi choked, her arms cinched so tightly around him it was as if she expected someone to try to wrench her away. “I can’t picture anything. I'm so scared I’ll forget.”
}:Breathe, Zaidi, dear.:{ Bharboth reminded her. }:Kularth will check it before he lets us go. He will know if it's not clear enough, right, Kularth?:{
It was silly to say it and she wished she could drag the words back in, but she meant them: “Can you come with me?”
Bharboth rumbled indignantly. }:_I'm_ with you.:{
}:I will not let you go until your rider has a clear image,:{ Kularth affirmed to Bharboth. }:We will be careful, and you will be safe.:{
R’lor considered Zaidi’s request. She was so young, and so scared. “You won’t be able to see or hear us /between/. Bharboth will be with you.”
}:We can do it.:{ Bharboth assured her. }:Together.:{
“I…” Zaidi slowly, reluctantly let go of R'lor. She looked up at her dragon, wide-eyed. Everything she couldn't feel for herself shone back at her from those whirling eyes. Somehow, she found herself wanting to trust that they would be okay, though she had no way of telling if that wanting was really Bharboth's or her own. She let out a short puff of breath and rubbed her sweaty palms on her thighs. “...okay,” she said at last, an eternity in her pause. She’d never held so hard to the straps as she did when she clambered up into place and Bharboth's sails spread wide.
This was really happening.
Bharboth took them up quickly, her eagerness apparent. Zaidi's breath stalled as she tried to meet her dragon's calm, insistent prompts for the image. She shut her eyes, and after a few tries the stones were smooth and grey, a bright column of sunlight threaded through the center of the eyerock.
Bharboth gladly took the image and passed it to Kularth-- and Zaidi felt her stomach drop out when they received an affirmative.
Then, nothing.
Heat blasted against them. The smell of the sea, the strong beat of Bharboth's wings against the wind. When her eyes opened it was the sky: blue, bright, real, hitting her like a wall. “WE DID IT!” Zaidi screamed into the wind, joined by Bharboth's ringing roar of triumph.
Kularth trumpeted. }:You did well! We are very proud of you.:{
R’lor felt a little bit weak with relief. When the pair landed, he walked up to them with a smile. “I knew you could be brave.”
Bharboth puffed her chest out and Zaidi beamed back at him, breathless from the mangled thrill of it all. “I can’t believe-- it was horrible and dark and scary and amazing and we _did_ it!”
“And now you’re officially a Senior Weyrling.” The Weyrlingmaster looked at her proudly for another moment before turning to the rest of the class. There were a few more to go before they could all graduate.
Last updated on the April 26th 2026