Only a Moment (3/3): Alone

Writers: Devin, Bree, Eimi
Date Posted: 5th July 2006
Series: Saving Each Other

Characters: U'kaiah, N'vanik, Talryne
Description: U'kaiah tries to convince N'vanik that Talryne's accident wasn't his fault as they wait for her to wake up.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 13, day 3 of Turn 3

N'vanik

Talryne

The walk to the infirmary seemed longer than it should have been, and every step seemed harder. But he had to do this. When he finally reached the infirmary, he had to walk down the long hall, avoiding the eyes of everyone he passed. N'vanik made it at last to Talryne's room and stopped in the doorway. The girl wasn't alone--U'kaiah was there with her. N'vanik almost turned around, but he supposed he deserved this. "How is she?" he asked the other bronzerider as he took a few steps toward the bed. "We don't know yet," U'kaiah sighed as he released her hand and sat back in his chair. "She hasn't woken up yet. And I'm not so sure she should."

"If I lost Loseth, I know I wouldn't stick around," N'vanik said quietly. He looked at Talryne lying there, remembering her smile, the way she laughed--and he knew that if she lived through this, she would never be the same. "This is my fault."

The other bronzerider leaned back and looked at N'vanik for a long moment.
"Why do you think that?" he finally asked.

"I don't think. I know. Loseth and I got out of the way of a clump, but she didn't have time." N'vanik thought he'd cried all that he could the night before, but he could feel tears starting to threaten again. "They were right below us. I didn't even warn them."

"Did you have time to warn them?" U'kaiah asked quietly. "It sounds as though you barely had time to avoid it yourself."

"I don't know. I keep going over it, wondering if I had a second or two more than I thought I did." **And I'm going to keep wondering. Just like with V'surin,** N'vanik thought.

His former wingleader sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "Well, in my experience, if you have to wonder if you had a second or two to think about, then you didn't. It all happens so fast up there, N'vanik. You barely saved yourself, how could you have possibly saved her, even if you had thought about it. By the time she would have gotten the message it would have been on top of her anyway. Same result."

"Maybe," N'vanik said quietly. He moved closer to the bed, looking at Talryne again. "I should been more aware. I should have seen it sooner."

"Just stop it, N'vanik," U'kaiah muttered in exasperation, leaning forward to touch her hand once more. "Your wallowing in self-pity doesn't change what happened, and it sure as Faranth Hatched doesn't help anyone, especially yourself. We've all been scored. We all should have been more aware at one time or another. She should have been more aware too. So just stop it."

He was too drained to argue. "I just . . . I don't know," N'vanik sighed.
"It hurts," he said quietly.

"Don't take more on yourself than you deserve. You're not _that_ good, you know." He looked up at N'vanik and smiled slightly to show him the latter was a small attempt at lightening the mood.

N'vanik tried to return the smile, but it looked more sad than anything else. A noise from the bed interrupted their conversation, a sleepy incoherent murmur. Talryne's eyes drifted open, darting between U'kaiah and N'vanik in confusion. U'kaiah leaned forward, still holding her hand in his. He didn't dare speak lest she was not truly awake. If she _was_ truly awake, he was sure they would all be made painfully aware of it soon enough.

N'vanik hurried to take her other hand. "Hey Talryne," he said gently. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

Talryne's voice cracked on her first attempt to speak, but she cleared her throat and tried again. "How long has it been?" Her voice was eerily empty of any emotion, as were her eyes.

"A little less then a day," U'kaiah replied gently. "Oh." She closed her eyes again, the movement so slow and determined that it seemed as if it took all of her attention. There was a slight hitch in her breathing before she exhaled slowly, her eyes still closed. "So what happens now? Am I supposed to go?"

"What do you want to do?" N'vanik asked her.

Talryne shuddered, her fingers tightening around the hands of both bronzerider. "I have to decide now?" "No, hon, of course not," U'kaiah said gently, reaching up to softly pet her hair. "You can decide when you are ready to decide. When you make your choice, whatever it is, we will be here to help you, Talryne. I promise."

N'vanik only nodded, squeezing her hand. Whatever she decided . . .

"Oh." Her voice had lost its emotionless edge and had drifted into a confused vagueness. "I don't want to leave the Weyr. Not yet. Promise me I don't have to..."

"Nobody is gonna make you leave," N'vanik said, trying to ignore the little voice that was telling him to run. Comforting people was an area he was definitely not . . . comfortable in.

"No, you don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go, Talryne. I promise," U'kaiah whispered. Shards but it was hard to see her like this.
Empty. Alone. It sent a chill down his spine at the thought of it.

"Good." Her eyes opened again, drifting briefly over U'kaiah before fixing on N'vanik. "Don't leave me alone. Please."

The bronzerider swallowed. "I won't."

Last updated on the July 5th 2006

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Only a Moment (3/3): Alone