Away (1/2)

Writers: Dana, Devin
Date Posted: 7th July 2006
Series: Saving Each Other

Characters: Traelyn, N'vanik
Description: After the terrible Threadscoring accident at Dragonsfall, N'vanik comes to Traelyn
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 2 of Turn 3

N'vanik

Away.

He needed to get away. Away from the shouts and the healers, away from the smells of redwart and numbweed. Away from the keening. N'vanik slowly backed away from the cot and the group of healers lifting Talryne onto a stretcher. The pain and guilt were threatening to overwhelm him, and usually he would have sought solitude and the false comfort of a bottle. But this time he didn't want to be alone. He wanted to be with someone else. Needed to be with someone else.

And there was only one person he could think of.

}:I will take you,:{ Loseth offered, his voice colored with sadness; both his rider's and his own.

~*~*~

It was dark, and that somehow seemed right. Bright sunlight would have felt inappropriate. Loseth landed on the ledge, Nyith moving aside to make room for him. N'vanik slid down off his bronze, wiping at the nearly dried tear tracks on his face with a gloved hand. He was still in his Thread gear, covered in ash and stinking of firestone. With a hand still against Loseth's arm, he hesitated. What if she threw him out? Well, he deserved that, didn't he? That and more. The image of Talryne screaming her dragon's name flashed through his mind, and he pushed it away.

Loseth crooned, sending him love. Before he could think too much about what he was doing, or what he'd done, he took a step toward the weyr.
"Trae?"

Hearing her name over the pounding of the rain, she looked up from the novel she'd decided to lose herself in for the past few candlemarks--it was certainly better than losing herself in the hard liquor that beckoned so enticingly to her in the small wooden cabinet across the main room. Who would be coming to her at this time of the night? Not J'darin, and she wasn't expecting U'kaiah...she wasn't expecting any bronzerider for that matter. But the voice almost sounded like...

A frown crossed her face. N'vanik.

}:Loseth is here,:{ Nyith confirmed, her mental tone very, very soft.

Too wrapped up in her own thoughts of distrust and resentment directed towards him, Traelyn didn't pick up on her dragon's wariness as she swung her bare legs out from underneath the bedfurs. Clad in nothing but the shirt she slept in, she made her way to the main room, her temper simmering as her mind conjured the painful memory of when he'd last been here. Sharding prick. Just who did he think he sharding was?

She opened her mouth as she rounded the corner, ready to demand just why the sharding shell crack he _was_ here when the stink of firestone filled her nostrils. And as she looked at him--at his face--the words she'd been so ready to fling at him were lost.

"Can I . . . come in?" He asked quietly, struggling to keep his voice steady.

Faranth...his eyes. What happened? Words, however, and her questions, were stripped from her. Instead she silently took a step forward, one hand gently beckoning. All of her bitter anger, it seemed, was completely forgotten.

N'vanik took a step foward and stopped. He couldn't look at her, at the concern on her face. Dropping his gaze, he said, "In Fall today, there was . . . I . . . Talryne lost her dragon. And it was my fault."

She drew in a sharp breath, her voice a whisper. "Her dragon?"

He barely heard her. He needed to get it out, to say it. "There was a clump. Loseth and I got out of the way, but they got hit bad." Now N'vanik did look up. "Shards, Trae . . . I was holding her hand when Ysanth went /between/." He felt a tear slide down his cheek.

**Oh, N'vanik...** Something twisted painfully inside of her as she gazed at him--at that one tear. She'd never seen him...cry before. Traelyn reached out then, her thumb gently smoothing the tear across his skin...and she mumured his name.

Another tear spilled from his other eye, leaving a fresh track. He knew it was weak, but right now he didn't care. N'vanik put his arms around her and pulled her close, needing to feel the solid weight of her, to feel her warmth. Loseth crooned softly. }:You are not weak. I love you.:{ Words were unnecessary...meaningless, even. Words, she thought, could not console him, but her touch... Maybe that was what he needed the most. Gently her arms went around him, one hand moving to cup the back of his head, fingers threading through his lank, damp hair, softly rubbing.

He wanted her touch and her comfort. But the pride in him insisted that he was being weak, and the guilt in him insisted that he didn't deserve it.
First V'surin, and now less than a turn later, Ysanth. And Talryne would probably follow her dragon. "It should have been me," N'vanik whispered.

"No," she murmured fiercly, her hold tightening on him as his words brought the searing image to her mind: Thread, glistening silver, eating away at dragon and human flesh; Loseth bellowing his pain, N'vanik screaming his agony... Then disappearing. "Don't you say that."

Loseth stepped into the weyr and laid his great head against his rider's back, sending wordless love across their bond. "I keep hurting people.
Good people," N'vanik said, as much to himself as to her.

Traelyn fell silent then, but she continued to softly stroke his hair...a gentle encouragement for him to keep talking, if it would help.

"She's so young . . ." His chest hitched as he saw her face again, heard her scream as half her life disappeared forever. He couldn't imagine what that must be like, and he never wanted to find out.

What could she say? She felt compelled to speak...but what could be said?
His grief was so strong...palpable...his tears were soaking through her shirt. And they were cold. So cold. She whispered soothing nothings in his ear as she slowly led him inside, out of the chill of her dragon's weyr and into the warmth of the main room. Then she gently lowered them both onto the sofa.

N'vanik didn't have the will to do more than lay his head on her shoulder.
He hadn't cried like this in front of anyone, not since he was a child. But he couldn't stop the tears, nor could he stop the pain that swept over him like waves; swelling and breaking, swelling and breaking.

Traelyn held him as he shuddered with the weight of it. She stroked his hair, caressed the sides of his neck, rubbed his back...offering to him what she could. And as she closed her eyes, she pressed her lips against his brow, not knowing if he could feel her or if he was too shaken to the core to be aware now of anything save his grief.

Last updated on the July 30th 2006

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Away (1/2)