The Hope That Died Within -- Part 2

Writers: Kaysea, Vix
Date Posted: 15th April 2007

Characters: Tayette, Hartam
Description: Tayette finally listens to Hartam's new song, with surprising effect.
Location: Vintner Hall
Date: month 3, day 13 of Turn 4

Midway through the chorus he had glanced over at her, lost in the words, oblivious to her reactions until then. What he saw. . . he kept singing, his craft taking him through the words and music that he had rehearsed so assiduously. Had he misjudged the words? Should he have rewritten the rhymes, worked at them longer before presenting this song to her? Were they truly that bad? Or was it something else?

The plague that took so many lives Left few to persevere The Thread that feel from high above Destroying all but fear The quakes a-shaking cot and Hold Collapsing many weyrs The floods that pummeled 'gainst the shores Brought other dampness - tears She took deep even breaths, calculated to calm her inside and out.
Sitting, her face in semi shadow she hoped he couldn't' see the thin stream of tears that had flowed almost continually from her eyes.

Oft I've wished I could go back To days of Turns gone by When all we had from overhead Were dragons in the sky.
But I'm older now and more wise Or so I'm meant to be So those regrets I'll set aside For they are what made me.

Her breathing, the pattern of it, calculated, unnatural. What had he done?
What was he doing? Still, he kept on, knowing that he had to see it through, that unless she stopped him, he would continue.

I think back on all of these The problems I've endured And realize it's through them all That I have matured None of them has broken me I still can sing this song 'Twas all that seemed hard to bear That has made me strong She couldn't agree with his words, she was broken, if she wasn't she wouldn't be sitting here in so much pain. Too many problems that left her broken and in pieces, so much that she wouldn't recognise her younger self. So carefree she had been, so full of life like the people of the Hall; but all that had gone beaten out of her, literally, by Karvea.

Her arms had been wrapped tightly around her waist as she sat in the chair, but now, she couldn't help it, her hands came up to her face, and she hid the pain and tears the song had evoked. She had thought she would never have enough tears to wash away the pain her life had been, and she was right, it seemed. Her breathing came jaggedly, almost hiccupping as wracking sobs shook her.

Oft I've wished I could go back To days of Turns gone by When all we had from overhead Were dragons in the sky.
But I'm older now and more wise Or so I'm meant to be So those regrets I'll set aside For they are what made me.

She had not stopped him, so he had not halted. Instead, as she cried, he continued, the music dropping off in volume, slowing, until the gitar music faded and stopped completely. He finished the final lines of the chorus a cappella, holding the final note clearly. Emotion lined his face as he sang, eyes on her. It was his dream, every harpers' dream, to touch the audience, to strike the chord that reverberated within the listeners.
But not like this, not so painfully, so deeply.

She wiped at her eyes with her apron, loathe to open them and meet his -
but she knew she had to. "I'm sorry, Har..Hartam." there was a catch at her throat as she said his name, "I - didn't mean to make such a showing. You write - and sing - beautifully. It's just not the type of song I should listen to. . . " she stood, she couldn't stay here, with him. "Please, don't take offence, I don't mean any." She struggled to finish what she was saying, her eyes riveted on the floor, but needing to still show her manners, he was after all, a Harper.

"Tayette. . ." His voice cracked slightly, an unusual occurrence for one so trained. "Tayette, I take no offence - and I meant you no pain. Please . . ." He rose to his feet and set a hand gently on her shoulder, his gitar still in his other hand. "I'm sorry, truly sorry."

She froze as his hand touched her shoulder, so warm, so soft and so gentle. It was his gentleness that stirred a chord in her. She turned to face him, "You were to know what a wherry I would make of myself." she gave a small self derisive laugh, "Don't think your song wasn't beautiful, it was. It...it's just given the chance, I .. I would _never_ go back.
_Never_." Her eyes met his, flashing with emotion and showing her determination.

"Nor would I expect you to do so," he remarked, his voice still gentle.
"Sometimes I really do wish that I could go back - but to before my life had any complications, before I had responsibilities or had experienced any disappointments. That would be a long time ago. And it would also mean that I'd have little to write for my songs and little to which I could compare the pleasant times that do occur. It's all relative, Tayette.
There's much I'd rather not have experienced, but that cannot be changed, so I'm better to go on from where I am now." He stopped and smiled sadly.
"But that doesn't help you at all, does it?"

"I too, need to go on from where I am now, and not think of what came before." She realised her words were true, she really did need to let go of the past and move on from her life as it was now, content if not happy, safe if not full of life. She could settle for a content and safe life, if she didn't think of what was missing. Long ago she believed she would have everything, but it wasn't to be, contentment in what you couldn't change, that was what she needed to achieve now. "Thank you, Hartam. Your song will be a popular one, and I appreciate your showing it to me, may be one day soon I will be able to listen while you play it for others, and watch as they have an appreciation of your lyrics."

"I hope so, Tayette. I truly hope so."

She reached up, her hand covering his. "Thank you, for not just your song..." letting her hand fall again, she turned and walked away.

He watched her walk away and then turned slowly to the task of placing his gitar back in its case. He would introduce the song at The Tavern -
probably that same night - but he would wonder throughout if it were the right thing to do.

Last updated on the April 17th 2007

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The Hope That Died Within -- Part 2