Frustrating Thoughts

Writers: Bree, Eimi
Date Posted: 14th October 2005

Characters: Dyaera, D'cal
Description: Dyaera and D'cal try to explain their feelings, and once again end up more confused than enlightened.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 8, day 11 of Turn 3

The worst part of the confusion with D'cal was that Dyaera couldn't even go and track him down to apologize. She had to send the message through their dragons and wait for him to arrive, not knowing how he'd show up or when or even if he would at all.

D'cal strapped of his riding helmet as he walked in off the ledge. He had come as soon as his classes had finished, figuring it was better to get it over with than wait. Aosorath had passed along a warning that they would be landing soon, but still he called out to make his presence know. "It's D'cal. I'm here, Dyaera."

"I'm in here..." Dyaera's voice sounded faint and nervous, and when he made it into the sleeping room it was obvious that she was highly upset.

"Dyaera? Are you all right?" he asked gently as he perched himself on the bed next to her, reaching out a hand to smooth back her hair. His first instinct was to worry for her, one that had been drilled into him since the accident. D'cal's own unease came second.

"No!" The fact that he couldn't even act _mad_ at her made it so much worse.
"Shards and shells, I'm an idiot, D'cal. I'm stupid about people and their emotions and you know it and now I know it, too. Stop acting so sharding nice about it!"

He shrugged as he looked down at the floor. "But it is as you always said.
I don't own you. I have no claim to you. You did nothing wrong, and I have no right to be angry."

"You don't have to _own_ me," she replied, her voice raising as she reached out and grabbed his hand. "But you are welcome in my bed any time, day or night. I thought you _knew_ that! But L'nar says you don't." "Yeah, well, I thought you were injured, but apparently everyone else knows you are not that hurt," he said quietly. A small fear rose up in him, but he had to know, "What else did L'nar say?"

"That I'm an idiot," she said grumpily. "And that I'm going to ruin you. And that if I don't take advantage of you, he will." "Oh," the bluerider said simply. Inwardly he breathed a sigh of relief. So L'nar didn't tell her what they did...

"D'cal?" Dyaera tugged on his hand, trying to bring him closer.

"Yes?" he asked, leaning down a bit, but his eyes were still guarded as he looked up to meet hers.

"I can't do much," she said softly, her voice actually sounding a little nervous for perhaps the first time. "I can't really move, and we couldn't--it wouldn't really be as good for you. But if you wanted to--I mean, you could still try." The words had come out in a twisted tangle, which pretty much just confirmed Dyaera's conviction that things got confusing when emotions were involved. Things were confusing. Much too confusing. He reached out hand touched her cheek lightly. D'cal could see her feelings in her eyes, and hear it in her voice. He wished he could forget what had happened. He wished that he could erase a night of gut wrentching heart ache. But it just wasn't that easy. "I just can't, Dyaera. I care about you so much. Please believe that. But I just can't right now. Not yet."

Dyaera dropped his hand and rolled away from him, the movement awkward and jerky as she struggled to move sore muscles. "Fine." And now she remembered why she hadn't bothered to ask him before. Because he always said no, and she was feeling far too tender still to deal with being rejected. A deep hole of fear opened up in his heart as he watched her turn away from him. "Please try to understand, Dyaera. Some things have happened recently, and I just need to figure everything out. I still care about you, I just need time. Don't hate me. Please Dyaera, try to understand."

"I don't hate you," she replied, her voice sounding tired. "And I guess I'll be here when you figure everything out. I always am." Plus, she couldn't exactly go anywhere. He looked down at he back guiltily. How could he tell her about Kisdra, and L'nar? And how could he explain to her, or ever understand himself, how it was that he could feel so strongly for her, and yet also have feelings for the girl who had been such a comfort to him since she had been hurt. "Can I stay with you a while?" he finally asked softly.

"I said you were always welcome," Dyaera replied just as quietly. "I meant it." The bluerider hesitated a moment before pulling his legs up onto the bed.
Gently, so as not to jostle her too much, he snuck an arm under the pillow that craddled her head and settled is other arm gently over her middle. He sighed as his head fell to the pillow behind hers, wishing he didn't have so many frustrating thoughts in his head.

Last updated on the October 15th 2005

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Frustrating Thoughts