Decisions

Writers: Dana, Devin
Date Posted: 11th November 2008
Series: Proving His Worth

Characters: Traelyn, N'vanik
Description: N'vanik comes to see Traelyn to talk about the upcoming Fall.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 3 of Turn 4

N'vanik

It was strange to have her so close. Just a walk down the hall and N'vanik was standing at the door to her weyr. He knocked while telling Loseth, again, that he was doing something to make himself feel better. At least, he hoped it turned out that way.

"Hey," she smiled once she opened the door. "Nyith told me you were coming." Traelyn gestured for him to come inside.

"Yeah." He stepped in and made a sad attempt at returning her smile. "I ... needed to talk to someone."

"What's up?"

"Fall tomorrow." He sank down into her couch.

She eyed him, wondering if she should bring out the bottle of hard liquor she kept stored in the cabinet--but decided against it. It wouldn't be ideal for him to start his career here by depending on drinking to escape from reality. "I can already tell you've been thinking too much," she told him as she eased down next to him. That was the problem. There was strategizing, and then there was thinking. Thinking lead to panic, whereas strategizing kept one more detached from the situation. And by seeing the look on his face, N'vanik had probably been thinking.

"Yes, and I've already had my bronze nagging me about that." The corner of his mouth turned up. "I can usually talk to Tal when things are bothering me, but ... you can understand why I don't want to talk to her about _this_."

She nodded. Oh yes, she could understand very well.

"So you're the lucky person that gets to listen to me whine."

A pale brow rose. "Whine? Or talk? Because, I need to be honest with you here....I don't want to dwell too much on it, N'vanik." It certainly wouldn't help either of them.

"Yeah." He sighed. "What I really need is for you to tell me I'm not doomed to failure. Lie to me if you have to."

Traelyn shifted on the sofa until she was facing him. "You're not doomed to failure." Then she tilted her head, an annoyed expression flitting over her face. "Though, if you keep that hopeless, pessimistic look in your eyes, you'll go a long way to pissing me off."

"I don't want you mad at me," N'vanik said. "If I wanted a fight, I would have gone to see U'kaiah."

She bit her lower lip, studying him. Shards, they really must've lost their tempers if N'vanik was still bringing him up. Shaking her head, she said quietly, "I don't want to fight with you either. But you've got to do something to get these thoughts out of your head. It's not as if you've never flown a Fall before. You have. The only difference in the air is that now you're leading a Wing. You're the one giving orders instead of taking them. You've had days of drills to prepare, and all the other Wingleaders have helped when you've asked. It's not as if you're flying Fall tomorrow green and unprepared."

"I know. And there's been so many times that I've _wanted_ to lead Fall, that I thought I would do a better job. But now that I'm facing it, I think all that was just arrogance." Shards, he wanted a drink, but if he started he might not stop. He needed a clear head tomorrow.

"Maybe. But if arrogance is what gives you the confidence you need, then use it."

N'vanik snorted. "Maybe going to see U'kaiah isn't such a bad idea. He can insult me some more, and I'll get so pissed I won't remember to be afraid. What time is it in Dragonsfall?"

Shards and shells. "You are _not_ going to Dragonsfall."

"Tell me I wasn't the second choice." His own words surprised him and he stared at Traelyn in shock.

Her dark eyes went wide--and, to her humiliation, she felt her cheeks flush and then drain of all color. He wasn't a stupid man. He'd see her reaction for what it was, confirming her unspoken answer. Shards, why on Pern would he demand something like that of her? After she had never, ever demanded anything from him? After all she had done to help him? Temper spiked. "It doesn't matter," she snarled. "_You_ are the Weyrleader. Not him. _You_."

"Because he wasn't here. Did Nyith pick Loseth just because she knew him? Am I here because the man who deserves the job didn't show up?"

Furious, she glared at him. "It doesn't sharding matter! How many more times must I repeat myself to you? You're here now. You hold the position. Whether you succeed or fail--that's up to you." She stood. Not me. You need to make a decision tonight, N'vanik, about what kind of a leader you'll be."

He stood, too. "Well, I'll tell you one thing. I won't turn my back on you." He stopped himself before he could say something worse. "And if I fail, it won't be for lack of trying."

She braced her hands on her hips. "I don't know what you wanted to get out of this visit, but I didn't want us to snarl and snap at each other."

"Me either."

Sighing, she rubbed a tired hand across her brow. "All right, then."

"Then what?" he asked.

Looking up, she reached out and laid a hand on his arm--her touch asking that they move past it now. "You need to get some rest tonight."

"Yeah." He took her hand and squeezed it. "I'll try."

Leaning closer, she brushed her lips against his. "Good-night, N'vanik."

He held her close for a moment, then pulled away. "See you tomorrow," he said softly.

Last updated on the November 18th 2008

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