It Wasn't You

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 22nd November 2005

Characters: Gaiya, Ar'lis
Description: Gaiya finally faces Ar'lis again
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 9, day 8 of Turn 3

Ar'lis was just about to snap the top off the ale bottle when suddenly a knock came at his door.

A soft knock. He froze, and slowly turned his head towards the sound.

}:It's the young one,:{ Zylarth murmured gently.

Gaiya.

Shards. Carefully he set the bottle down on the table before running a rough hand through his hair. Why was she here?

The knock came again.

}:Why don't you find out?:{ the dragon asked softly.

Slowly, Ar'lis rose to his feet - and was at a complete loss of what to say to her when he finally opened the door.

Gaiya gave him an uncertain smile as he opened the door. "I figured I'd use my usual knock and give you chance to pretend you weren't home if you didn't want to see me."

Her words and the look in her eyes struck him in a way he hadn't been expecting. And suddenly, with a clarity he hadn't felt in so long, he knew what he wanted. What he needed. A sound between a growl and a moan escaped him as he reached for her, pulling her tightly into his arms.

She could feel the pain and the relief both in that embrace and she found herself rubbing his back soothingly as he held her. "It will be all right, Ar'lis. Everything will be ok."

His fingers tightened. "Gaiya... Shards, sweetheart, I'm so sorry..." he murmured quietly against her hair, his voice thick with the conflicting emotions he felt - guilt the most prominent. He'd frightened her that night on the beach. He'd seen the fear flash in her eyes. Fear that _he'd_ caused.

Gaiya kissed his cheek softly and whispered, "There is nothing to apologize for. This is _not_ your fault, Ar'lis. You did nothing wrong."

His eyes squeezed shut tightly for a brief moment. "Yes, I did," he finally whispered, pulling back to look into her eyes. A hand moved to cup her cheek, his thumb trailing against her smooth skin. "I scared you." It was getting harder to talk as the memories of that night came rushing back to him. Memories of what he'd said to her. How he'd acted. How she had reacted...and what he had done later that night to try and forget it all - to shove it all down. To be numb inside, so he couldn't feel.

She covered his hand with hers. "I should never have been scared of you."

"You had every sharding right to be, Gaiya." His tone grew suddenly hard
- but that bitterness wasn't directed at her. It was directed at himself.
He searched her gaze, his own shadowed with memories that he wanted to burn away.

His eyes were full of pain, doubt, fear, anguish, guilt... She had never seen his eyes so troubled or so lost. "You need to talk to me, Ar'lis.
Please."

His first impulse was to shake his head. To tell her no. But it was the 'please' that made him pause. It was the look in her eyes and the tone of her voice that made him reconsider. Slowly his hold on her eased, and he nodded.

It wasn't going to be easy.

She walked him over to the sofa and silently pearched on the arm, pulling him down to stretch his legs out on the soft cushions and craddling his head against her beast. As she slowly kneaded his shoulders she asked, "What happened in the flight?"

His eyes closed. He had only spoken with U'val once about this. _Once_. How could he explain it again? How could he think of the words? And what would she think? What would she say? "Everything about it, Gaiya... It was all wrong."

Gaiya decided it was best not to mention that it had looked like everything was going all right from where she had been standing. "What do you remember?"

He shook his head as those unwanted memories flashed before his eyes. "The flight...Gaiya, it was too short. Vilarth didn't gain enough altitude before she let Zylarth catch her. And when he did..." Ar'lis paused, his jaw clenching, his throat tightening even more.

When he didn't continue Gaiya leaned forward and gently kissed his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. "What happened then?"

"She fought me." The words came out in a hoarse whisper.

"And you fought back?" She knew the answer. It was a rhetorical question. She continued her soothing caresses. "Would you have fought her if your dragons hadn't been rising?"

"No," he snarled softly, fiercly. Then he took in a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm himself. "No," he repeated, his voice quieter this time.

"Shhhh," she whispered into his his ear as her hands slipped down his shoulders and onto his chest. "Shhhh, Ar'lis, it wasn't your fault. You would not do that. It wasn't _you_ who fought her."

His sharding eyes were starting to burn, and Ar'lis didn't know if it was because of those sharding memories, because of the soft tone in her voice.
Or both. **Yes, it was, love...** But he couldn't say that to her. One of his hands reached for hers, found it, and held on tight.

"I know _you_ would not hurt anyone," she assured him, covering his hand with her other. Gaiya pushed back the shadow of doubt that lingered in the back of her mind. What had happened in his room, what now seemed ages ago, might have been inappropriet, but not _harmful_. He would not hurt anyone! "I know you, Ar'lis. It was not you."

"In a way, it _was_," he whispered. A pause. "You're not a dragonrider...but I'm sure you know how a rider's mind becomes linked with his dragon's during a flight?" His voice was so quiet. "A part of me still is _me_ during it, Gaiya. And I..." Another pause. Longer this time. "And I _knew_ what was happening! I _knew_ that I should've done something to soothe her - but I _didn't_. I didn't...I didn't even sharding _try_." Zylarth's lust had been violently overwhelming - and Ar'lis had acted with a single-minded intensity. He knew he'd never forget her terrified scream.

His grip on Gaiya's hand grew tighter, and he was half-aware of his bronze crooning softly from his ledge. But it didn't help. It didn't help...

"You were driven by dragonlust, and not by something violence within you.
If you had the chance, would you hurt me?"

"No, Gaiya."

She removed her hand from his and gently pushed him away from her. Slipping off the arm of the sofa, she threw a leg over his, straddling him gently. As she lifted his chin to meet her gaze, her eyes were soft and trusting. "I know you wouldn't, Ar'lis."

As he searched her eyes - those soft, trusting eyes - he felt something stir inside him. He raised a hand to her face, his fingers tracing the curve of her cheek. Gently he brought her closer, pressing his lips to the hollow of her throat. And he whispered her name.

She closed her eyes, remembering the feel of his lips on her body. It had been a while. He hadn't touched her since her birthday nearly a sevenday before. Gaiya, and her body, had missed him. Pushing herself back gently she took his face in her hands, smiling down at him reassuringly. "I know it wasn't _you_," she whispered before pulling her tunic over her head. No hint of fear was in her eyes as they peered into his, only desire -
desire to feel his body against hers, and desire to help him mend his broken heart.

Last updated on the November 22nd 2005

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It Wasn't You