Hard to Believe

Writers: Devin, Cali
Date Posted: 15th January 2010

Characters: Cosani, T'kob
Description: Cosani asks T'kob why she was made a group second.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 12 of Turn 5

Cosani

Cosani hung back after the class was dismissed. When the other weyrlings were gone, she approached the Weyrlingmaster. "T'kob? ... Sir?" She added after a small pause. Proper respect was still a struggle for her, but she was trying.

"Yes, Cosani?" T'kob replied.

"I wanted to ask you ... why did you make me a second?" She'd wondered that since they'd been put into groups.

It was an odd question, especially given the time, they were almost finished with their weryling training after all. "Do you think I placed your incorrectly? You seem to be doing a fine job there to me."

"But why me? You could've picked anyone else." Not counting Meledei, who was the obvious choice for group leader, there were seven other riders that could have been the second.

"I thought you had the makings of a good second." he explained. "Strong, confident, knowledgeable; I ask again, do you think I placed you incorrectly?"

"I don't know." The way he described her didn't sound like her. Cosani knew she was smart, but confident? Strong?

T'kob sat down on top of a desk so he was more to her eye level. "Examine your group then. Look at their strengths and weaknesses as I did. I admit that it's my first time choosing leaders, perhaps I made an error?"

She shifted her feet. "There really wasn't anyone better than me?"

"Better is a subjective word Cosani." T'kob replied with a half smile. "T'nel would have done fine in the position, but I tried to place promising blue and greenriders in all the second positions."

"So you just needed a greenrider to fill the spot." That made sense, but it also angered her.

T'kob gave a small chuckle. "You seem to have selective hearing Cosani, I said _promising_ and it was blue or green. You weren't the only option I had." He looked at her a long moment then added, "Were you expecting another sort of answer? Perhaps a reveal of nepotism?"

Cosani didn't know what that word meant, but she wasn't going to make herself look like a dim glow by asking him. "I don't know ... maybe you were trying to impress my father, or something."

"If he'd asked me, perhaps I would have." It wouldn't be the first time that a rider got a special position because of their relationship with the Weyrleader or Weyrwoman, the entire ranking system wasn't really designed under the merit system. "But he didn't. He stayed out of my decisions thankfully, and you got the position because I believe you have potential to be more than you are."

"You keep saying things like that, but it's hard to believe." People didn't say things like that to Cosani. Well, N'vanik had ... and Meledei said nice things about her. And Shalith, of course, thought she was perfect. It was just hard for things like that to sink in.

"Why?"

"I'm ..." There were a number of things she could say, things her grandfather had called her, what others at the hold had called her. Instead she finished with, "I'm not special."

T'kob grunted. "Your dragon thinks otherwise. As do several others here at the Weyr. However, if you don't think you're special then the others don't matter. Do you wish to step down as second?"

She shook her head. "That would be silly. Training is almost over."

"Well then, if you don't think you're anything special, chaulk it up to a fluke if it makes you feel better." T'kob said, saddened but not surprised Cosani had such a low opinion of herself. He knew he couldn't change her mind with one conversation, but perhaps it would plant a seed that others could nurture. "You'll find there are lots of flukes in life that lead to good things, Cosani. Enjoy them and learn from them."

"Yes, sir." She had learned things from being a second, even if she couldn't accept his reasons for making her one.

Last updated on the January 15th 2010

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Hard to Believe