You Didn't Choose This Life
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Devin, Cali
Date Posted: 16th January 2010
Characters: N'vanik, F'gol
Description: N'vanik talks with F'gol on the bluerider's first day in the Wing.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 6, day 23 of Turn 5
N'vanik had taken a few minutes to check with the newest members of the Wing, the graduated pairs from the first clutch Loseth had sired. The dragons had grown from awkward little hatchlings to strong dragons, and their lifemates had gone from wide eyed youngsters to competent riders. T'kob and his staff had done well.
N'vanik asked the new riders if they'd understood most of what the Wing had been doing, and if they had any questions. There were a few questions, which he answered. Then he told them to study the formation charts they'd been given, and sent them on their way. All but F'gol, who he asked to stay behind.
His first day and he'd done something wrong. It was the only reason to be held back. F'gol couldn't think of anything, he hadn't spoke during the ground session, and he and Tealth had stayed out of the way during the aerial training.
N'vanik could see the worry on the boy's face. "Relax," he said. "I'm going to talk to all my new riders. You just happen to be first."
"Oh, okay." That did relax F'gol a bit. It wasn't like he'd never spoke to the Weyrleader before, and it made sense for them to get to know eachother.
"It's a little cool, but how about we walk down to the beach?" At Dragonsfall, weather like this would be practically balmy.
F'gol nodded and fell in step next to N'vanik. The man was taller than him, but he noticed that his gait wasn't much longer than his own.
N'vanik unfastened his jacket as they walked and picked a spot a little way down the beach. He told F'gol to have a seat and sat down next to the young bluerider. "So, how are things going?"
"Well enough." F'gol tried to think of N'vanik not as the Weyrleader, but as just his Wingleader, and while that could be intimidating, it was not unlike the rank of Master and he was on good terms with several at the Harper Hall. "Mostly everyone seems welcoming. I know it will take some time to become integrated, but after a Fall or two, I'm sure we'll fit in."
"That's good." F'gol seemed to have the right attitude. "I was a little worried about how you would adjust. You're the only one of your clutchmates that didn't choose this. Whether they really understood what they were getting into or not, they knew the dangers of being a rider, and they chose to Stand anyway. You didn't choose this life."
"No, I didn't." A fact F'gol tried not to think about since it still brought pain to his chest. "However, there's no point in wallowing about it. I _have_ to fly Thread, and so I'll do my best in order to keep myself and Tealth alive. You didn't really choose this life either though. All you older riders, you Impressed thinking that Thread was over."
"There were rumors, when I was Searched. The queens had been laying forty egg clutches for almost a turn, and some people saw the signs. I didn't believe them." He'd thought dragonriding would be an easy life.
"So it's not really much different." F'gol replied. "Meledei has been trying to convince me to take up the craft again, but I wouldn't have time. Harpering isn't really something you can do on the odd restday."
"Depends on how much you want it. If you want it bad enough, you'll find the time." N'vanik had only crafted when he had to, but he knew other riders had a passion for their chosen craft.
"Now you sound like Meledei. Has she gotten to you already?" F'gol said jokingly. "She seems to think that if enough people tell me I can, then I'll start up again."
"To be blunt, F'gol, you could die next sevenday. You should live as full a life as you can, and if harpering makes you happy, you should do it," N'vanik said. "If something else does, then do that."
"Harpering takes a lifetime to master, so if I'm going to die the next sevenday, then why bother?" F'gol countered. It was really what was at the heart of the matter. F'gol didn't expect to live long, not long enough to eventually make Master, probably not even Journeyman. How could he ever compose anything he knew he'd never be good enough to make perfect?
N'vanik shrugged. "I start a book knowing that I might not finish it. But I start it anyway, because I like reading. And because I might _not_ die." Part of being a dragonrider in this unexpected Pass was learning how to face death on a regular basis and to go on living despite that.
F'gol didn't want to have a debate with the Weyrleader, especially on his first day in the Wing so he just nodded. "Maybe. I do enjoy a good book."
"We could share recommendations, if we have the same taste." He smiled. "In any case, find something, whether it's reading or spending time with friends. This life gets all the harder if you don't have something to brighten it up."
F'gol had Meledei. It was the only thing he really allowed himself to want anymore, and that was just because he couldn't imagine the world without her. "Thank you, sir."
Last updated on the January 19th 2010