The Road to Realization

Writers: Heather K, Paula
Date Posted: 1st June 2011

Characters: E'ril, X'ian
Description: E'ril and X'ian discuss the weyrling's issues
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 22 of Turn 6
Notes: Mentor approved by Emma

"Mind if I sit with you a moment, X'ian? By all means continue attending to
Camyth's hide. I just wanted to stop in with you and see how you're doing,"
E'ril explained as he seated himself on a rock near the weyrling pair. Since
the Hatching, E'ril had been keeping an eye on the Weyr's newest bluerider
and it was obvious that the boy was a tad confused about certain things.
Seeing as he himself was a Holdbred bluerider, E'ril thought he would be the
perfect person to help X'ian through.

"Go ahead, sir," X'ian replied and continued spreading oil to Camyth's
bright blue hide. He couldn't help but to compare him to his fellow
clutchmates. Although Camyth was tall (from shoulder to ground he stood as
high as some of his brown brothers) and long (tail to muzzle), X'ian could
see even that he weighted about half less of what the browns and bronzes
did. "Camyth's very lean, yet he eats as much as the rest of them," he
remarked to E'ril. The blue was also seemed to be less clumsy.

"They all eat themselves crazy right out of the shell. It'll taper off
eventually. A growing dragon uses a lot of energy and he'll grow right
before your eyes. It may take some time though for him to fill out. Every
dragon is different," he explained. His own Dawenth had been much the same.
He had started out as this little strip of dark blue hide and then seemed to
grow muscles over night. "I hear that you are still a bit shocked at
Impressing blue. Being Holdbred myself, I think I can relate a bit to your
situation. How are things now that the excitement of Hatching Day is behind
you?" The Weyrling Assistant had more than just heard about X'ian's
feelings. The confusion the boy felt was obvious to those who cared to look
and, in this case, it was E'ril's duty to look.

"I'm still perplexed," X'ian replied. "I try not to think about it and just
concentrate to what I'm doing. Like feeding, bathing, oiling and feeding
again."

E'ril sighed. "Look, it's all well and good that you have totally focused
yourself on your duties to Camyth but the problems you have accepting that
you Impressed blue are not going to get any better by ignoring them. Camyth
chose you because of who you really are and I don't think he made a poor
choice. There is much more to riding blue than who you choose or don't
choose to bring to your bed." To him, the words sounded a bit harsh and
presumptuous but if the boy insisted staying confused, E'ril would find a
way to make sense to him. Eventually these feelings of disappointment could
effect Camyth and he would not let that happen if he could help it.

X'ian threw guilty glance towards Camyth. The blue didn't seem affected, not
yet anyway. He was cheerful and curious. "I'm not ignoring it, I just don't
have the energy to deal with it right now," he said. "Besides, he's a baby,
aren't I supposed to stay away from certain subjects?" he asked.

"Fair enough. Being a Weyrling is no easy task to be sure," E'ril agreed. It
was demanding work looking after a growing dragon. It was all worth it in
the end though, no one could deny that. Some of the best memories a rider
had with his dragon were made during Weyrlinghood. He didn't want X'ian, or
any of his weyrlings for that matter, to miss out on that. "This is
true...to an extent. He will know if something bothers you. Your minds are
connected and if you are confused and worried about something, Camyth will
feel it, even if he doesn't understand what it is you're feeling. I know you
had a life before that was very different from the life you have now but
that was _then_ and this is now. You will never be that person again."

"I think I've come to realize that," X'ian said with a dry voice.

"Have you?" He didn't ask the question lightly. Thus far in their
conversation, X'ian had been more or less silent. When he did speak it was
short and to the point. E'ril wanted to help the boy but the first step in
that process would be X'ian opening up and letting him help.

"I seem to have a side in me that I've not been aware of earlier," X'ian
replied and rubbed his cheek, spreading oil there too, "...or been
suppressing," he added, with a glance towards Camyth's shining blue hide. He
paused to orginaze his thoughts. He wasn't the kind of person who opened up
easily to an almost stranger, but E'ril needed an explanation if he truly
wanted to help X'ian.
"You see, my mother is Blood, and that makes me Blood too. I was brought up
a certain way. Duty, social status, always maintain the Blood's honour, act
so that you don't tarnish the family's reputaion. Materially, we never
lacked anything, we had priviledges but obligations too. You can say I had
very sheltered upbringing. Blueriders or male greenriders did not fit to
that world view. They were something to... if not down right abhorrent then
at least something to avoid to. Being a healer's apprentice opened up my
eyes in some degree, to things like poverty and suffering. But I still have
lot of work to do to get my head straight if you catch my meaning."
He looked the older bluerider bit nervously, waiting to be judged.

Finally, they were making some headway. He was glad that the boy had decided
to open up. It was a start at least. "I'm starting to understand now and I
can see where you're coming from, X'ian. It will take time to adjust your
view on the world. The Weyr can be a very strange place for those who come
from backgrounds such as yours. It's important to remember though that there
is absolutely nothing wrong with being who you are. You do no shame or
dishonour to your family by Impressing and becoming a dragonrider, even if
you did Impress blue. In fact, I think you did your family a service by
Impressing blue. Through you and your actions perhaps you can shed light on
what is, unfortunately, a dark topic for those at home." E'ril knew that
there would be no changing some of the more hardened minds that dwelled in
the Hold's but even if one person could be enlightened, that was a start.

X'ian nodded and listened. "Tell that to my mother," he muttered quietly but
with humour.

He paused before responding and then laughed. "Oh...oh, mothers are
something aren't they? Maybe some day, some how, we can get your mother to
the Weyr and just show her."

The sheer thought of it filled X'ian with a horror. He shook his head. "Not
a good idea with my mother."

The bluerider almost started laughing again at the panicked look on the
weyrling's face. "No, don't worry, X'ian. It's not like I'm going to bring
your mother to class with me one day and just spring her on you. You have
nothing to fear." He, of course, had no control over the matter. He just
knew that he himself would not be the one to bring the woman here. "Maybe
after you have had your own time to deal with things and after your training
is through you can make a trip home. I'm sure Camyth's presence will be
immensely helpful. Granted he won't be as small and cute as he is now but he
will still be quite charming, I'm sure, and most impressive to look at."

"Well, it would be fun to show off him to my siblings," X'ian grinned. X'ian
was a second son, it would be great to do something better than his older
brother, and Thorlen was already too old to Impress.

"There you have it. Whatever happens it sounds like you have a pretty
interesting trip in your future. Far into your future mind you," then he
stood and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "You know where to come for help
now when you have questions, X'ian. You're never alone." E'ril smiled. "I've
said my piece then, I'll leave you be. Unless, you have anything further to
say?"

"Nothing just now," X'ian said. When Camyth would be older, he just might
seek out the older blue rider for some very specific questions about what
being bluerider truly meant.
But he wasn't ready for that yet.

"Alright then. Enjoy the rest of your day, X'ian, Camyth. I'll see you in
class," With that, and a little wave, E'ril left. He made way for his weyr
to make some notes about the pair. He would have Dawenth keep an eye on
Camyth's mental status and stability as the sevendays wore on. He only hoped
that X'ian now felt that he could ask for help and not hide from his true
self any longer.

Last updated on the June 2nd 2011

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