Always Misunderstanding

Writers: Bree, Eimi
Date Posted: 14th January 2006

Characters: D'cal, Dyaera
Description: D'cal visits Dyaera after his talk with J'darin, but once again, things seem to go wrong.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 4 of Turn 3

Dyaera had her back to the ledge when D'cal arrived, and was so involved in her current task that she didn't even hear him. She was standing unaided in the middle of the living area, her fists clenched in determination as she took slow, careful steps towards the couch. The sheer nightgown hid most of her back, but the tiny straps left the scarred expanse of her shoulder bare, showing that her wounds had finally healed into pink scars that were slowly starting to fade.

D'cal stood on the threshold between the ledge and her weyr watching her -
_standing_! And taking steps! The sight brought such relief to his heart.
When J'darin said she had not been progressing as she should he was afraid for her. But she seemed to be doing so well! Just a couple months ago they were afraid she would never walk again. And yet, there she was. It didn't surprise D'cal really. He had always told her she could do it. Dyaera always had been one of the strongest people he had ever known.

The steps slowed as she swayed once, one arm going out to try and catch her balance. A rather inelegant curse followed as she took another step, obviously having a hard time but just as obviously determined. "Three more steps," she muttered under her breath, still oblivious to D'cal's presence.

When she faltered D'cal's first instinct was to help her, but he stopped himself before he could take more than a few steps towards her. She needed to do it on her own, if she could. He knew that it was important. But he had been with her from the beginning, held her hand through her physical therapy, did what he could to ease her way. Seeing her standing, walking, reminded him just how far they had come together. Shards but he wished things could have been different between them.

The last two steps were faltering, and the final one was less of a step than a trip, but she ended up seated on the couch in any case, with a triumphant grin that only faded a little when she caught sight of him. "Hello, D'cal."

His look of pride in her accomplishment turned to uncertainty as he saw her face fall a bit. "Hi, Dyaera. You did... really well. It seems your doing just fine." **Without me...**

"I'm trying," she replied, suppressing a sigh at his expression. They'd barely gotten two words out and they were already upsetting each other. "I'm really wobbly... I guess I didn't realize how much you need your back to keep your legs moving right."

"Are you still stiff like before?" he asked, trying to make his tone light and natural.

"Yeah..." She gave the couch next to her a pat. "Come have a seat. You don't have to stand there." It seemed like a perfectly innocent request, but Dyaera knew she was wearing a sheer chemise and little else... part of her kept hoping D'cal would realize he really did want her.

All of him knew how much he wanted her as he sat down. She could have been covered in think wherry hide and he would have known that. But there was Zanie now. And he cared about Zanie, no matter how much he still longed for Dyaera. He had to remind himself of that as he could feel the warmth of her skin close to his. "You seem to be doing much better, though. I was worried after... J'darin and I talked." He tried not to growl the man's name.

"Oh." Dyaera made the connection quickly enough, and sighed. "I'm sorry... I didn't think he'd go talk to you. He's just protective, D'cal. And... and a few things happened that made me upset, so he got a little grumpy."

"Yes, well..." D'cal really didn't want to talk about things that happened when J'darin was around 'protecting' her. He would _never_ understand it.
The brownrider, J'tak, he could understand, but her fascination with that man, he would never understand. _Never_. "Anyway... he said that you were not doing well. But it seems... it seems that you are doing much better than before."

Dyaera cleared her throat uncomfortably, for the first time in her life _not_ willing to bluntly tell the truth. She'd had enough of getting turned down by D'cal to last for months. "I think he wasn't talking about how I'm doing physically, probably."

D'cal frowned slightly. "Well, what is it then?" He had a feeling he was a part of it. But she had to understand what he had said and done... it was for the best. For _both_ of them.

"It's not important." And it wasn't... not anymore. With J'darin's gentle touches had come the perspective she'd lost. D'cal hadn't turned away from her because of her injuries... it was simply the confusion that had always been there. "I am doing better now. They're even going to let me go swimming tomorrow."

"Well, that will be good," D'cal mumbled. Shards. If it was not important than what in Faranth's name had J'darin got him all worked up about? Why did that _sharding_ bronzerider call _him_ in for? To rub it in his face?
Because he just couldn't help but gloat over the fact that he would always be better than a bluerider? He tried not let his sudden anger show, but his hands clenched into fists as he thought about all the things he wanted to say the Weyrleader.

Dyaera's hand slid over one of his clenched fists. The weight she'd lost made her fingers look fragile, but there was nothing fragile about the way she squeezed his hand. "Stop it. You just sit there and you stew in every sharding emotion you feel. You're going to go crazy, D'cal. Let it out.
Scream or yell or do whatever you want to do, but stop _thinking_ so much."

"I just don't know what I'm doing here," he finally said, chance at reminding me that I can't be happy with you."

It stung, even knowing that she'd pressed him to say it. Ignoring the hurt, she replied to his words quietly. "It wasn't a game. I was hurting, D'cal.
He was worried. I just didn't want to tell you why because I didn't want you to feel bad. It was a--a misunderstanding." At least, she was going to pretend it was.

Was... "Well, I'm glad he could help you fix your little problem. Just a misunderstanding. Well, that makes everything better, then, doesn't it."
Oh he played right into J'darin's hands exactly the way that flaming bronzerider wanted him to. He could hear J'darin's snide and sarcastic voice in his mind. **But she _needs_ you D'cal. Her health and happiness depend on it! Oh wait. My mistake! Guess all she need was a bronzerider to make it all better.**

Standing was painful, but at least it distracted her from his sarcasm. She'd seen D'cal angry and confused, but this was the first time he had been mean.
"Things were better before you came in here and started being mean to me."
She wanted to storm away, but she had to settle for an unsteady wobble as she set her jaw and started towards her sleeping chamber, her fingernails cutting into her palms as she clenched her fists.

"I'm not angry at you, Dyaera. I'm angry at the sharding ass of a bronzerider for playing with me. _Again_." He stood and walked behind her.
Now matter how frustrated they were with each other, he would not stand by and watch her struggle alone.

She turned, nearly falling when she saw how close behind her was. But once she'd caught her balance, she shoved at his chest. "He was mad because he blamed you for making me feel ugly! And you did, but I was _trying_ not to make you feel bad. So stop whining and get over it!"

He caught at her arms to steady her, afraid that she would knock herself off balance more than do any real damage. "You never needed me to tell you how beautiful you are. You have J'darin for that. And I was getting over it, Dyaera. I was trying to get over _you_. But how could I stay away when J'darin tells me that your whole recovery is being hampered by me? That you needed me. That I brought you to life. Forgive me for whining. I thought I was actually needed."

Frustration sharpened to anger before she could stop it, and she slapped him. Hard enough to make her shoulder scream in protest... hard enough to distract him from the fact that he was going to make her cry. "What would it _matter_ if I needed you? _You don't want me._"

He was quiet a moment, stung as much by her actions as her words. They would never understand each other. But he had always hoped the one thing she _would_ understand was that, despite it all, he cared for her. He missed her. "I always wanted you. _Always_."

She had to get away from him before she really did cry. The bed was five long steps away and she barely made it before her legs gave out. "Don't you understand how scared I've been? How scared I still am? I asked the healers when I could rejoin the wings and they told me not to get ahead of myself.
That I have to be prepared for the possibility that full recovery could take months. Or more."

He crouched down next to the bed and looked up at her. "Yes, I know. I was there, remember? I know what the healers say, and I have been scared for you too." Didn't she know how many anxious moments he had while she cried out in pain? Did she really forget that he had been with her every step of the way?

She avoided his eyes. "I just wanted to feel like my life wasn't over at sixteen. So maybe it was stupid, but I needed something nice. I wanted to feel..." She trailed off and shook her head. "Why are we doing this again?
It never works, D'cal. I don't understand you. And I make you angry."

"I don't know," he said with a shake of his head. "I'm here because someone said you might need me. I'm here because... because no matter how hard it has been, I still care about you."

"J'darin was mistaken," Dyaera replied with a sad smile, finally looking at him. "I'll be your friend, D'cal. It's nice. But you don't want to give me what I wanted... what he thought I needed. I needed someone to make me feel..." Loved. She couldn't say it, because she knew he'd misunderstand again. J'darin made her feel loved, and it had nothing to do with a desire to spend all of her time with him. D'cal made her feel loved... and then made her feel guilty for it.

D'cal looked away. He could already feel the sting of tears. It was impossible. Even when all he wanted to do was help, he only made it worse.
He stood slowly, felling tired and exhausted. The bronzerider got what he wanted. J'darin had found a way to get his hopes up, and now could laugh at what a fool he had been. The bronzerider had proved himself the better man.
"I will hate that man forever," he growled as he turned, and putting one foot in front of the other, D'cal admitted defeat.

Last updated on the January 15th 2006

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Always Misunderstanding