Reaching Into the Darkness

Writers: Ames, Heather
Date Posted: 19th July 2013

Characters: D'naz, F'aen
Description: F'aen comforts D'naz after the loss of the weyrling
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 23 of Turn 7
Notes: Note: Follows Blacker Than Black

He shuddered. His eyes stared off into the empty space in front of
him. He hardly recognized where he was. D'naz simply sat. Still and
quiet. His breathing came in even tones. From the outside, one might
think he'd fallen asleep in his chair, but on the inside his body
ached for what had occurred today.

He'd lost one. The thought was unbearable. He had done everything in
his power to protect them all. Had vowed from the day he started that
he wouldn't let any of them disappear. And now the unthinkable had
happened. M'lack had done so well in the visualization exercises. D'naz
still wasn't sure he knew what had gone wrong. One moment the boy was
the there and then next, the dragons were crooning for his loss.

Keluth had tried to comfort him, but the blue found it difficult to
reach his rider. He could sense the darkness that was around D'naz's
heart and mind.

Instead he reached out to one he knew might help.

}:Scarleth, mine needs comfort this day. Can yours help?:{ The blue's
voice was tinged with sadness as he reached out to his recent green
mate.

F'aen had, of course, heard about the loss of the Weyrling. The
dragons had mourned the loss of one so young, but the dragonriders of
the Weyr knew, with grim certainty, that it was apart of life. Being a
dragonrider wasn't as easy as Candidates often imagined it to be, and
today was proving that point. He had been finishing Scarleth's bath
when the green spoke to him.

}:Keluth would like for you to visit his rider.:{ Scarleth said as she
sunk back into the Weyrlake, letting the water wash away the suds on
her hide.

**I'll be there soon.** F'aen promised, having already planned on
stopping in to see D'naz. They had talked about the Weyrlings before
when D'naz was worried about losing one of them, and F'aen knew that
the man's worst fear had been confirmed.

After a quick stop by the bathing pool and a fresh change of clothes,
F'aen headed to the bluerider's weyr and found the man sitting at his
desk, staring straight ahead, his eyes unfocused. Stepping up by the
man's chair, F'aen put a hand to D'naz's shoulder, "Hey."

D'naz hadn't heard or seen F'aen enter the weyr. He was so lost in
thought he didn't notice anything around him. The feeling of a warm
hand on his shoulder was all that finally drew him back to reality.

Blinking and looking around as though in shock, D'naz's eyes finally
settled on F'aen.

"Hey," he answered. His voice held no feeling, no joy, no emotion
whatsoever. All the emotion was bottled up so deep inside himself that
it couldn't find its way out to release him from the hold it had on him.

The greenrider's eyes softened as he searched D'naz's face. He had
never seem the bluerider so stoic, the usual charming smile absent
from his face. F'aen trailed his hand from D'naz's shoulder to cup his
cheek.

"You want to talk about it?" F'aen asked gently.

He blinked a few times before responding. "I...I'm not sure I can," he
sucked in a shaky breath. He titled his eyes up towards F'aen. The
sadness and hurt in D'naz's eyes was clearly evident the instant their
eyes met. The emotion he'd bottled up inside seemed to slowly seep out
with F'aen's touch, until it was soon tumbling over him like an
unstoppable wave from the ocean.

"I lost one. Gone. Like that," his voice was shaky and hoarse, choked
with emotion. A part of D'naz was embarrassed that his emotions were
so raw. He wanted to turn away. Didn't want F'aen to think less of him
for losing his control.

"I know it is hard. You did everything you could, D'naz. Look at all
of the Weyrlings that completed the lesson. They could not have done
that without you." F'aen trailed his thumb over D'naz's cheek,
understanding the pain that he saw etched onto the bluerider's
handsome features.The greenrider knew that it would take time for the
Weyrlingmaster's Second to come to terms with the loss of the
Weyrling, and even those more experienced said that it was something a
Weyrling trainer never got over, or became easier.

D'naz nodded his head slightly. F'aen's words made sense, but he still
had an ache deep inside him that he didn't know how to heal.

"I feel like I failed," he murmured softly. His hands laying limply on
his lap. "My one job was to protect them, and I've failed them
already." He breathed back what was almost a sob. "I haven't felt
so...lost since," his breath shuddered, "since N'ril died."

The bluerider rarely mentioned N'ril's name, and had probably only
done so once to F'aen, the first time he had told him about losing his
weyrmate. F'aen felt as if he were catching a small glimpse of what
D'naz must have been like after N'ril's death. Reaching down for one
of the man's hands, F'aen linked their fingers together and gave him a
light tug, "Come on, let me take care of you." When words seemed
inappropriate or weak, F'aen knew that he could show D'naz that he
cared.

D'naz blinked up at F'aen, and felt a glimmer of hope and joy that had
been swallowed by the darker events of the day. It was almost as
though F'aen was the light that would draw D'naz back out of the dark
spot he'd allowed himself to wallow in.

Succumbing to the pull of both F'aen's hand and his own heart, D'naz
rose and allowed the greenrider to lead him. The touch of their hands
felt warm and alive, where moments ago all D'naz had felt was sorrow
and despair. He didn't know how or why being with F'aen brought such
radiance into his life, but right now, in this moment, it was
breathing a new life back into the bluerider.

F'aen smiled at the willingness that D'naz displayed, and was happy to
see that some life had returned to the man's dark green eyes. They had
yet to really put a label on their relationship, and that was fine
with F'aen, was content to spend time with the bluerider whenever time
allowed. After losing a weyrmate, F'aen didn't want to push D'naz to
quickly into any sort of commitment, but what he could do was continue
the obvious physical connection that they shared.

"No more moping." F'aen said, grabbing the front of the older man's
shirt and pulling him in for a kiss, while directing them toward
D'naz's bed.

D'naz relaxed into the kiss. It was as though it helped to melt away
some of the darkness and hurt he'd been holding inside all day. In a
matter of moments, D'naz had no time to think of anything other than
F'aen.

A short time later, one arm draped over the taller greenrider, D'naz
whispered into his ear. "Please stay. I don't want to be alone."

"Of course," F'aen breathed, the words ghosting across the bluerider's
bare skin as he settled into his side. F'aen was beginning to wonder
if he could deny the bluerider anything.

D'naz sighed happily. His dark thoughts of the day kept at bay by the
presence of F'aen beside him. He found himself hoping the greenrider
would always be there to cast away the darkness and shed light on his
life. He wasn't sure what exactly he wanted from things between them,
but he knew he didn't want it to end. With the thoughts of F'aen
drifting around his mind, D'naz feel into a peaceful sleep, cuddled up
beside the greenrider.

Last updated on the July 23rd 2013

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Reaching Into the Darkness