Sometimes I Believe It

Writers: Devin, Chelle
Date Posted: 21st August 2013

Characters: Talryne, Qorri
Description: Talryne shares her worries with Qorri.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 26 of Turn 7

Talryne

Talryne poked her head into the office. "You wanted to see me Qorri?"

"Yes dear. I just wanted to know what's been happening and how you're
doing." Qorri opened a drawer and dug around then came up with a bag of
cookies.
"Saved these. Here." She put them on the desk and pushed them forward. "You
look better."

"Thank you," she said, to both the cookies and the compliment. Talryne
took a cookie and sat down. "I've been good." There was a little
hesitation in her voice.

"Wonderful. Learn anything new then?" Qorri was glad to see her talking
and at least not so far into her shell. Of course she was still invited to
their
little late-night poker games.

"N'vanik is having a baby," Talryne knew that wasn't what Qorri meant,
but it was weighing on her mind. "With Rhosyn."

That was news. Qorri automatically put two and two together, though.
Treading lightly, she grabbed a cookie for herself. "Is that a good thing?
What do you think about it?"

"I don't know." Talryne looked down at the desk. "It makes me think about
..."

"About what dear?" Never one to pry, she nevertheless wondered if this was
something Talryne wanted to talk about. She knew that the girl didn't speak
to
many people besides N'vanik and it was good sometimes to get things
off your chest.

Talryne had to focus on breathing slow. It was dangerous to talk about
but Qorri had always been nice to her. Maybe she would understand,
would be able to help her. "I was pregnant a while ago, but I didn't
keep it. I thought N'vanik wouldn't want it, but he did, and he didn't
say anything because he thought _I_ didn't want it and he didn't want
me to keep it just for him." She took a breath, realizing she was
starting to babble.

"Ah so you both were confused and it led to misunderstanding and hurt."
Qorri sat back and thought about it. She had never had children herself
which
was a shame, but there it was. She had fosterlings though so something
filled
the void. "What about it still hurts for you? Maybe if you can make peace
with
what happened, you wouldn't be so upset when you think about it. And then it
might be easier to think about the new baby." Jealousy was easy to read as
well
as insecurity. Poor Talryne-so many things had happened to her. Qorri
felt like hugging her but she didn't.

"It hurts because I hurt _him_. And now Rhosyn is giving him something
I took away." No matter how much N'vanik reassured her, there was a
small part that still worried he'd find a reason to leave her.

"Right but that baby is going to be in another Weyr. And he can't leave this
one because he's Weyrleader. And you are here while she is not. And she
can't
leave hers because she is Weyrwoman." Qorri thought that made it all easier.
Otherwise Rhosyn might have come to Dolphin Cove long ago.

Talryne looked down at the cookie she hadn't taken one bite of. "But she's
whole
and I'm not," she said quietly.

"Talryne..." Qorri sighed. She had never been a rider so she didn't really
know what it
felt like. "N'vanik has been with you when you weren't a rider even before
he met her.
So that's not a problem for him." She was a little bit more quiet as she
looked back. "I
know it will always be something you think about-something you remember-but
it doesn't make you any less of a person."

"I've gotten better, a _lot_ better, but I still feel like I'm half alive."
On the bad days, it
felt like less. "I know he won't leave me, he's told me that enough. He
loves me. But
there's still a voice in my head that says I'm not enough, that he'll get
tired of me. It
lies, but sometimes I believe it."

"Well find something else to believe in," Qorri told her quickly. "When I
came here, I
had been a holder and a crafter's wife. My husband died and I was left with
nothing.
I had heard how evil the Weyr was just like anyone else, but I decided to
make a life
here and so I did. Belief can do more for you than anything else." She
smiled and then
shoved the rest of the cookies in Talryne's direction.

Talryne nibbled half-heartedly at her cookie. If only it was that easy. "I
took up crafting
so I could do something useful. It helps." It didn't take away her
insecurity, but it occupied her mind and her hands. It gave her something
to work towards.

"Right and you seem to like it. That's good. So you're still useful
Talryne, just in a different way." Hoping that maybe some of the things she
was saying got through, Qorri tried a different tack. "Tell me since I
forget, were you weyrbred or born somewhere else?"

"I'm Hallbred. My family is from the Healer Hall." She took another small
bite. She hadn't seen her family in a while, but they exchanged letters
sometimes.

"Then you know as well as I can that people can be needed even without a
dragon. And
N'vanik does need you, you know." Qorri hoped she realized that.

"I know." **Not as much as I need him.** "And he's nervous about the baby.
He wants to be a good father." N'vanik would've been a good father to _her_
baby, even if she would be a terrible mother.

"Well sure he'd be nervous. And between you and me-if that kid has both
Rhosyn and N'vanik for parents...that's going to be some kid from what I
hear of the woman." Qorri's eyebrows rose for a minute.

Talryne showed the barest hint of a smile. "Maybe even more stubborn than
Cosani."

"If it ever Impresses, it might take over Pern or something. Like Fax but
worse." Qorri gave a mock shiver. "Honestly, I never really got to know
Cosani that well. She runs off every time I try to talk to her. Does she
even talk to you? I know she talks to Meledei but that's maybe it."

"I've talked to her a few times, but I couldn't really call them
conversations. I don't think she knows what to think of me. I don't know
what to think of her either, so that's fair," Talryne said. N'vanik had
tried to form a relationship with his surprise daughter and hadn't had much
success.

"Hm. Well at least she seems to be enjoying her life more." Qorri shrugged,
not really knowing anything else to say on the matter. "Listen Talryne,
enjoy the cookies. And I'll let you go back to whatever you had to do but
know that you can talk to me okay? Especially when you feel bad."

She nodded. "I know." Talryne didn't have many friends, but she counted
Qorri as one of them. Her old self never could have imagined being friends
with a Headwoman.

Last updated on the September 7th 2013

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Sometimes I Believe It