Seed of the Father

Writers: Miriah
Date Posted: 25th July 2014

Characters: J'ackt
Description: Coming to a few realizations hurts.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 7, day 15 of Turn 7
Notes: Follows "Going Out With a Bang"
Mentioned: Saibra, Saidrene, Pierka

J'ackt

How could they? How could they hide something so important from him?
Jenackt stared at the battered burlap sack in front of him and slowly
unclenched his fists. Shards, he thought he could trust Saidrene and
Saibra. He gave the sack another vicious punch, sweat dripping down
his brow. He hadn't even known. He hadn't even known! He stopped
punching the sack and then slowly moved to lean his forehead against
it, trying to master his breathing and his temper. He could have had a
child. A family.

**And what kind of father could you have been?** The thought twisted
through his mind as he panted. **What do you know of families? Not
much. You scarcely remember your mam.** He gave the bag another punch
to the side, but kept his brow against the sack. **What could you have
offered as a father? The same that your father offered you?** That
thought made him stop, his fist still implanted in the burlap. The
notion of being the same sort of father that he'd had made his stomach
twist in churning nausea. He wouldn't have been like that...could he?

He began punching the sack again, jaw set. **The same dark seed that
was in him is in you. ** He punched harder. **That's why it was so
easy to kill that man at your cave and why it was so easy to have
Saidrene follow you around like a pup. Face it, you enjoyed that.** A
snarl twisted his mouth as he began pummeling the bag in ruthless
efficiency. **You still want to fight and have wanted to kill. Would
have too, if Pierka hadn't stopped you. And then where would you be?
Locked up, cast out...just like your father.** There were soft grunts
as he struck the bag again and again, pounding his anger into the
rough material.

**Saibra and Saidrene, they didn't betray you. They knew. They knew
you were no sort of father. Can you blame them? Sh'del knows what you
are, that's why he's so hard on you. Liar, killer, thief. Saibra and
Saidrene, they were doing the unborn child a kindness.** With a
snarling yell, Jenackt threw a punch and the chaff that had filled the
bag exploded from the rent in the material. Wheezing and panting from
exertion, Jenackt plopped onto the floor, arms on his knees. He stared
at the still spilling bag and then at his wrapped hand. Even with the
wrapping, he'd chafed his skin raw, but at least there was no bloody
knuckles this time.

He laid his head against the pole at his back and swallowed. They
hadn't told him. But...they weren't wrong. They hadn't done the wrong
thing. They were right in thinking that he'd be no good as a father.
He had no good, solid basis for one. What did he know of even helping
to care for a child? Shards, he'd probably fumble and drop a baby. And
Saidrene... He pictured her lovely face and the hurt that had been on
it last he'd seen her. Shards, he'd never meant to hurt her like that.
He'd actually felt for him, one of the first women to have those kind
of feelings for him, and he'd treated it like it was nothing but just
a good time. He hated remembering that look on her face.

And then flinging those words at Saibra. He rubbed at his face, wiping
away the sweat that was stinging his eyes. She'd been open to him,
explaining things that he didn't understand. Trying to help him. And
he'd struck back with harsh blows. Maybe not physical, but blows none
the less. Bloody Faranth, he was his father's son. He'd struck people
who'd actually cared for him.

He closed his eyes, wishing the sweat would stop stinging his eyes. He
blinked, trying to force the wetness away, went still, lifting a
finger to his eyes. That wasn't sweat. He stared at the wetness on his
fingers and as he did, the image got blurry. Tears. He hadn't cried
since...not since his mam had died. His father had made short work of
them, determined to beat them out of his son. He'd succeeded...until
now.

Last updated on the July 28th 2014

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Seed of the Father