If My Armor Breaks, I'll Fuse It Back Together (PG-17)

Writers: Heather, Curious
Date Posted: 5th March 2024
Series: The Disaster at Dragonsfall

Characters: R'nar, Naradis
Description: Naradis' reinforcements arrive in the form of her brother, R'nar, who comes to see her after the confrontation with Kadira.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 28 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Cyradis, N'lon, Kadira, K'don
Everything You Say to Me series
///Trigger Warning: Conversation around suicidal thoughts///
Rating: PG-17

Naradis had spent a miserably long time staring at a blank sheet of
paper, trying to decide what to send to R'nar. In the end, she
couldn't find it in herself to explain the situation in a letter and
sent something painfully short. Her brother would receive a note that
read,

R'nar,

Something happened. I'm in trouble. Could you come talk? Mom has me in
one of the upper weyrs, it can only be reached by dragon.

It was followed by the weyr address and her signature, nothing more.

With the letter sent, Naradis slumped down in her bed and began to wait.

At Barrier Lake, R'nar was spending a quiet evening at home. He'd not
been at the new lakeside Weyr long enough to have made very many
friends yet. Besides, he enjoyed the solitude of his single weyr,
especially at night when he could sit on his weyrledge and watch the
lights of the Weyr reflected on the lake.

"Oh," he said in surprise as a flit popped in, dropped off a letter,
and disappeared just as quickly.

}:He didn't even greet me properly. Rude.:{ Iorath huffed from where
he sat on the ledge beside R'nar.

Chuckling under his breath at Iorath's attitude, R'nar opened the
letter and scanned the contents. His smile faded.

**We're going to Dolphin Cove,** he told Iorath, standing and
retrieving his boots and riding jacket.

}:What for?:{ the bronze asked, although he was standing and
stretching his wings in preparation.

**Naradis needs me.**

--

It wasn't hard to find the weyr where Naradis had been placed by the
Weyrwoman - their mother. Since his departure from Barrier Lake, R'nar
had been racking his brain trying to figure out what Naradis could
have done to receive such a punishment.

Iorath landed lightly on the ledge of the weyr.

"Naradis?" R'nar called, leaping down from Iorath and pulling his
helmet and jacket off.

Naradis barely waited for R'nar to pull his jacket off before racing
over and pulling him into a tight hug. It was one of the longest hugs
she had ever given him, tight and trembling. It wasn't until she
pulled away that she finally asked, "Has someone already told you what
happened, or...?"

The bronzerider shook his head. "I haven't heard anything. Tell me,
what is it? What's happened?"

Naradis struggled with her words for a moment before choking out, "I
went to Dragonsfall Weyr to talk to the female bluerider. I had K'don
take me. And it went... She had a breakdown and told me that I'm not
going to impress, and I didn't just roll over and take it, and she
freaked out worse, and-"

Naradis blinked. She did not cry again. She _would not_ cry again.

"It feels like all anyone cares about is her and her dragon," she
whispered. "I don't-"

Her voice cracked, and Naradis snapped her mouth shut while she still
had time to save her dignity.

R'nar winced in sympathy. "Nara," he pulled her in for another hug
before moving them over to the couch where he could sit and see her
eyes while they talked. Only three Turns apart in age, R'nar and
Naradis had grown up close and he could usually tell a lot about his
sister by what he saw in her eyes.

"What made you decide to go talk to her?" he asked curiously. "Did you
know her before she Impressed?" He'd heard about the young woman who
had Impressed a blue dragon at Dragonsfall, who hadn't?

"I didn't. But I..." Naradis wrapped her arms around herself and
squeezed tight. "I needed to ask her something, to see if I could
impress. And only she could answer it."

But of course, she didn't. And wasn't that her right? After all, no
one really mattered but Kadira, the most special girl in all of Pern.

R'nar tilted his head. "You needed to ask her if you could Impress?
Why? What could she know about you and your potential?"

"...Because greens don't impress to girls who like other girls,"
Naradis hoarsely whispered, looking away from R'nar. "Golds don't
impress to girls who like other girls. Blues and greens will take boys
who like boys, but _no one_ can name a female dragonrider who's in a
relationship with another woman. They only take girls who like boys. I
thought... I thought that if a blue chose a girl, if she also likes
girls, maybe I'd have a chance."

A look of realization crossed over his face. "And you like girls and
are afraid that, because of it, you might not Impress." Sympathy
squeezed at his heart, to think that his sister had been carrying such
a burden. "Why didn't you tell me? That you're into girls, that is."

"I didn't want to hear you tell me that I couldn't impress," Naradis
whispered, still staring down at her laugh. She chuckled hoarsly. "Not
that it matters now anyway. Sharing _Kadira_ spelled it out for me,
and Faranth knows she can do no wrong."

"I wouldn't have told you that you couldn't Impress," R'nar said
gently. "I would have told you that I'm not a dragon and I can't
predict the things they'll do. I don't know how much a dragon cares
about who their rider sleeps with - especially when flights are
involved. I'd say, when we have something as wonderful as _dragons_,
anything is possible."

He reached over, tapping her under her chin so that she would look at
him. "And I would say, a dragon would be lucky to have you as their
rider."

With that, Naradis was exposed. She looked up at her brother with eyes
that were watery with unshed tears. With a small sniffle, she lifted
her hand to wipe them away before they could get any further. She'd
already been crying too much lately.

"Thanks," she whispered. "Do..." Her eyes flitted down, and she fought
the urge to look away again before finally looking back up at R'nar.
"Do you really mean that? Like, you aren't just saying it to be nice?
I mean, I can't think of any bronzes impressed to riders who like boys
either. It feels really... real."

“Of course I mean that. Just because I don’t personally know a
bronzerider who likes boys doesn’t meant they don’t or can’t exist.”
R’nar knew the stereotypes but he didn’t know what people did behind
closed doors or what they felt in their heart of hearts where no one
else could see.

"Thanks," Naradis whispered. "I... thanks." She allowed herself to
slump against her brother before meekly adding, "Don't tell mom?"

“I won’t,” he promised. They’d been keeping secrets their whole lives
from N’lon and Cyradis. Of course, keeping the secret of who had
broken their father’s prized bottle of wine (while trying to uncork
and recork it before he came home,) wasn’t quite on the same level as
this secret. “The next time you need answers that you don’t want to go
to Mom about, send me a letter. I’ll drop everything and get here as
soon as I can.”

"I will," Naradis swore. She sighed then, all but deflating as the air
left her lungs. "Maybe I should move to Barrier Lake if they kick me
out."

“It’s been a good place for new starts,” R’nar said, thinking of not
only himself, but all the former River Bluff riders as well.

He looked around the little weyr. “How long does Mom have you in here?”

"I don't know." Naradis looked up at her brother, only to look away
again a second later. "R'nar? Is it okay if I tell you something...
pretty dark?"

"You can tell me anything," he assured her.

Naradis hands fisted around the fabric of her pants. "Things have
been... bad. I said that no one talks about or remembers greenriders
to make her feel better about impressing blue, because they _don't_,
a-and Kadira said that I'm a colorist who's too selfish to impress.
But K'don didn't care. All he told anyone - he told _everyone_ - was
that I put Kadira's dragon in danger. And that's all anyone cares
about, that I didn't let her chew me out and the dragon got upset by
it. It's all I keep hearing. And..." Naradis wasn't crying again, but
she was shaking and white as a sheet. "If I can't impress, there's no
point to me, right? All anyone will ever care about is who my parents
are. Except now I'm not even _that_, I'm just the evil girl who put a
dragon in danger. And..." She swallowed heavily. "Before you got here,
I was... I thought about jumping off the weyrledge."

R'nar's jaw tightened in juxtaposition to the softening of his eyes.
"Nara," he breathed her name softly, painfully. "Please don't ever
think like that but if you do... Please, always send me a letter. I'll
always come. _You_ always matter. Impression isn't everything. Is
Iorath a part of me? Yes. But I was a person _before_ him."

}:I mean, you were _existing_ before me, but continue,:{ Iorath piped in.

"The dragon doesn't make the person, they only magnify what is already
there. Is the Master Harper of Pern pointless since they don't have a
dragon? What about the healers? Or dolphineers? Do they hold no
purpose because they don't have a dragon? You don't have to have a
dragon to do amazing things." He gave her hand a squeeze. "_You_ are
going to do amazing things."

With that, Naradis broke. There was no stopping the sobs once they
started. The closest she could come to regaining control was grabbing
onto R'nar and hugging him tight. "I will," she managed to wheeze out
between sobs. A pause, a hiccup, and then, "I-I'm not sorry for what I
said to Ka-Kadira. I-It's the only thing I'm not sorry for."

R'nar returned his sister's hug, being there for her in the only way
he knew how. Even though they had several half-siblings, there had
always been a special bond between them, the children of N'lon and
Cyradis. "You never have to be sorry for defending yourself."

"Thank you," Naradis whispered. "Could... could you stay here for a
while? I don't know if mom would let me go to Dolphin Cove."

"I'll stay as long as I can," R'nar promised.

Last updated on the May 9th 2024

[Prev: A Whirlwind Inside of My Head] Series: The Disaster at Dragonsfall [Next: Moving Forward]

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

If My Armor Breaks, I'll Fuse It Back Together (PG-17)