Welcome to My Secret (2/2)

Writers: Devin, Halyonix
Date Posted: 17th September 2024
Series: Bronze and Blue Entwined

Characters: K'mai, I'serin
Description: Liquid courage causes consequences
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 5 of Turn 12

K'mai

I'serin

Notes:
~*~

I'serin woke up some hours later with a fierce need to urinate and an equally fierce headache, neither of which would let him continue sleeping peacefully. He stumbled out of bed (why did the sheets feel different?) and towards the chamberpot (where had it moved to?) and then....dawning realization pushed aside the hangover in his head...

This was not his weyr.

The Weyrleader let out a succinct, uncharacteristic, and very crass curse word.

He looked at the bed. Was that...K'mai? Had they...? I'serin looked down at his naked self.

And let out another pithy, vulgar word.

K'mai opened bleary eyes and blinked up at him. "Regrets, Weyrleader?" Well, that was disappointing.

"I am not..." I'serin started to say. Not what? The Weyrleader? He was the Weyrleader. Was he not regretting it? That was not entirely true either. He could have thrown up his familiar barriers, retreated to a physical distance away while he gathered his thoughts, but the deed had already been done so why run? I'serin sat on the bed and cradled his pounding head in his hands. "This was...not how I had intended upon approaching you," he muttered.

"I hope I didn't take advantage of you." K'mai sat up. "You did come to my weyr, so despite the drinking, I thought you knew what you wanted."

"You did nothing that I did not already want you to do," I'serin admitted. Rubbing his temples, he asked, "I do not suppose that you have water and willow salic on hand?" If they were going to continue this conversation, as I'serin felt they ought, he would need something to start clearing out his headache.

"Oh, yeah." K'mai hopped out of bed and hurred to fill a glass of water and fetch some willow salic. He handed them both to I'serin and sat beside him on the bed. "Was I your first?" he asked with a gentle tease. "Outside flights, of course."

"There were no flights," I'serin said as he medicated. After a long drink of water, he elaborated. "Aluneth does not chase greens and I....have been circumspect when it came to other instances." Meaning that the few flights he had participated in had ended in very cold showers. He finished the glass and sighed. "I know I am not...the norm for a bronzerider. It is a stereotype that I have happily hidden behind." And would continue doing so. But he and K'mai had been friends for Turns and an admission was long overdue. He rubbed his head. "Please, say nothing."

"But why? I know there's . . ." K'mai waved a hand, not sure what he was trying to say. It was early in the morning and his mind was still fuzzy. "Do you know what it would mean for boys like me to know they could Impress bronze? Well, not like _me_. Leadership? Responsibility? No thank you. But for men who like men, we could only ever hope for blue or green. To know that some of us could be Wingleaders, _Weyrleader_. That would change everything."

"I..." I'serin started to say. How to explain any of it? I'serin himself did not know the reasons, just that Aluneth had chosen him. "We never know why the dragons choose who they choose," he eventually said. "I could have been left standing. And..." Honestly, after a day like today -- no, yesterday, all of that responsibility was something that I'serin wished had not been piled upon him. Still, K'mai's words resonated somewhere within him. "I did not know myself as I do now when I was younger. And I have not spent my adult Turns allowing myself to explore that side either," he said. Not that he was going to open himself up to exploring it now either. "Perhaps...that is the only explanation I can rationally give."

He rubbed his head and added, "We know that the dragons have been choosing differently lately. Perhaps, they were choosing differently before and we just did not know. I certainly cannot be the first." It was statistically improbable. He sighed. "I have no answers as to why, K'mai. Just...I am myself. No more, no less. And I do not wish to draw attention to...this." He waved a tired hand between them. "I...have far greater concerns to attend," he tried to explain.

K'mai took his hand. "Being Weyrleader means you have to put the Weyr first. But that doesn't mean you have to put yourself _last_. You can explore things with me while you settle in and then maybe . . . you can consider being yourself all the time." K'mai was used to coaxing hallbred folks, not weyrbred ones.

I'serin squeezed K'mai's hand and then, with the awkwardness of someone who was trying to be brave, kissed the bluerider's knuckles. "Perhaps." He could see dawn peeking across the entrance and sighed. In just a few moments, he would have to return to being the Weyrleader and all that it entailed. His dwindling headache immediately returned. "I..." he started to say but ended up stopping. He could think of a dozen things to say then but none of them stopped the dawn, changed who he was, explained the situation, or progressed it in a plausible direction. Time and responsibility marched on.

}: He is right though, about not putting yourself last, :{ Aluneth grumbled sleepily, stretching his wings in preparation to fetch his rider. }: Who cares who you bed? :{

**I will address that quandary later,** I'serin thought back tiredly, even as he knew it to be a lie. He'd simply busy himself, run from it, hide from it like he always did. But for now...

"I must go," he told K'mai. "The day begins." He rose and began gathering his clothes, though he moved in a thoughtful manner, as though considering which pieces of armor to put back in place after taking it all off.

K'mai watched him for a moment. It was clear I'serin was trying to wall himself off again. "If you want to be noble about it, taking time to relax and be yourself relieves stress, and that'll make it easier to focus and be a better leader. I was friends with two Weyrwomen, so I've got some experience with persuading our fine leaders to have a little fun once in a while."

The bronzerider paused, turning over his shirt in his hands as he turned another thought over in his mind for a very long while. Long enough for Aluneth to land on the ledge outside, rumbling softly.

When the silence had stretched into the realm of being uncomfortable, I'serin finally said, "In two sevendays. You can...persuade me." It seemed like enough time to at least get a better understanding of Weyr operations yet not so long a time as to push K'mai away. Though, who knew what two sevendays would bring.

A schedule. Well, that was promising. And two sevendays wasn't bad considering I'serin surely had a lot to do. "It'll be my pleasure, I'serin."

The other man finished finding his clothes, then, with two quick strides, crossed the distance between them to plant an awkward but trying kiss on K'mai's mouth. "Thank you," was all he said. And then it was time to be the Weyrleader again.

~*~

Last updated on the September 21st 2024

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