Shame
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 28th February 2009
Characters: Traelyn, B'ram
Description: Traelyn makes a mistake.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 3 of Turn 5
When Traelyn had left N'vanik's office, she had known that throwing herself into hidework wasn't going to help diffuse her anger. So to burn off the worst of it, she had gone down to the lake and had scrubbed and rubbed on Nyith until she was gleaming so brightly in the sunlight that it was hard to look at her without squinting. She'd just been so furious and disappointed with N'vanik for what he had accused her of, and she'd been even more furious and disappointed with herself for letting his words crawl under her skin and get to her that physical exertion was the only thing that could ease her temper. Of course, Nyith's loving support had also helped to a major degree. She always knew exactly what to say to make her rider smile and even laugh. But later that night, as Traelyn peeled the clothes from her body while B'ram watched, the suppressed emotions from earlier came trickling back: anger and resentment. Whatever she did, she wasn't good enough--not for N'vanik, and certainly not for U'kaiah. Shards, U'kaiah. Her jaw clenched and she ran her hands down her hips, coming closer to the foot of the bed where B'ram waited. At least here was one man she cared for who hadn't stomped on her heart, who wouldn't turn away from her. Traelyn pressed herself between his legs, closing her eyes as his mouth drifted over her breasts. She'd feel better after a round of sex--she always did.
And so did B'ram. But not as a release of tension. The goldrider's coming to him on nights like this, standing over him, pulling off her clothes layer by layer and staring right into his eyes, almost daring him to want her as much as she wanted him in that moment, it was intoxicating in a way she couldn't imagine. The Weyrwoman, _Traelyn_, wanted him. The woman who could choose any man, who in the past would have, she demanded that he love her. And he did. It was an amazing thing to feel wanted and needed by a woman again. Not by some stranger or casual aquaintance, but wanted and needed by one woman. Shards how he had missed that after his Atreyn left him. It was almost frightening how much he wanted to be loved by this goldrider. When she came to him like this, he would do anything to please her, to keep her coming back, because down deep in his most secret dreams, he hoped someday they could fall asleep in each others arms in a bed that was not his or hers, but _their's_.
She threaded her fingers through his crisp red hair, holding his head to her as she slid her other hand down his chest, belly, and then lower to play idly with the hairs on his abdomen. She felt his breath hitch, his face pressing to her stomach, just below her breasts, as his arms surrounded her. Shards, this was exactly how U'kaiah had held her. Even though it was B'ram who tenderly kissed her and gently rubbed his fingers over her skin, it was so easy for her to imagine that it was U'kaiah seducing her body. Faranth, she was a fool! Kicking that painful image away, she slipped purposefully onto his lap, teasing him with those fingers, wanting him to not just desire her, but _need_ her. Just like she needed him to help her bury those lingering memories of the bronzerider.
She knew just how to play him. B'ram whispered her name as he buried his fingers in her hair, covering her throat and collar bone in feathery kisses. How could he know that he was not the one she was really thinking of when she was the absolute center of his universe in that moment.
There was a part of her that suddenly wished that he wouldn't be so gentle, so tender. It reminded her too much of what she'd had with U'kaiah, and lost. She wished he would grasp her hips, roll her on the bed and love her quickly, roughly. Not slowly, not languidly, not like this. Closing her eyes, she forced his head up and kissed him deeply while her hands wandered, smoothing, tugging, caressing, stroking.
If it was kisses that she wanted he would drown her in them, wanting to give her exactly what she desired. B'ram knew exactly how to touch her to bring out the same fire in her that she was drawing out in him. He would do anything she wanted, _be_ anything she wanted.
Traelyn was breathless when their lips finally parted, and, panting, she rested her forehead on his shoulder, feeling herself turn to liquid gold under his palms as they kneaded their way down her spine. She closed her eyes. "Uzra...."
B'ram stiffened. He would do anything she wanted, except be someone else. "I'm sorry," he finally said in a sickeningly sweet voice, filled with anger and hurt. "I figured with the glows on you would have realized whose weyr you had stumbled into."
She pulled back, the blood draining from her face. Oh shards, what had she done? She stared into his hard green eyes, her own wide with shock. What had she _done_? "I--I didn't...."
"Just... get off me." He couldn't even look at her right then, he felt so sick to the core.
She stumbled away and blindly scooped her clothes up in her shaking hands. Blood thundered in her ears as she donned them, hardly able to think straight. What kind of a wretched woman was she? She looked over at him. "B'ram...."
He waved her off as he reached for his trousers, wanting nothing more than to jump on his brown's back and go scream his frustration where no one could hear him. "Why don't you go find this 'Uzra' of yours? He's the one you seem to have on your mind."
Completely and thoroughly ashamed of herself, she fled towards the door, and when he looked over his shoulder, she was gone.
Last updated on the February 28th 2009